Actually that sounds quite bitter, but I’m quite excited by it. It seems that at the moment I am surrounded by new life, and where in the past that has been kinda tough for me to handle, right now I am so excited by it. You see I’m gonna have that too… one way or another… eventually!
Over the last few months I’ve made a few new friends through the Fertilicare Forum. These started as just friends in the computer, but we’ve met up for coffee and got together and I feel like maybe I have the start of some new real life friendships. I want to talk more about the role these ladies have played in my journey so far, but that’s for another day.
The point for now is that in the last couple of weeks two of them have found out they are pregnant. One was sooo excited by her home pregnancy test results (hpt) that she arrived on our doorstep waving her POAS (pee on a stick) around in excitement! She sat with us while she waited for her blood test results and I was genuinely thrilled for her! The other had her first scan yesterday and had confirmed she is carrying twins. There have also been a lot of BFPs on the forum. And now the pidgeons… their eggs hatched today.
There are good days and bad days on this journey and on a bad day I feel jealous and sad and sorry for myself that these people have what I want so very badly. But at the moment I am in a great space.
You see last year the pidgeons, made a nest on our patio, very late in November, a thin and rather sad looking nest, laid their eggs and waited. But for a whole host of reasons, the little eggs never hatched. This year they came back all determined and did it again. This time their nest was thicker and bigger. They remembered to actually sit on the eggs all the time, taking it in shifts to keep their growing babies warm. Even when we walked out on the patio, they overcame their fear for their own safety and stayed put on the nest to protect their little ones. And they have been rewarded!
Both my new friends endured repeated disappointments from failed IUI’s before getting their BFPs (big fat positive’s). They kept going, they didn’t stop hoping, they put their hearts and minds on the line and kept fighting for what they wanted so badly. Now they have what they were fighting for (well it’s growing inside them) and it gives me so much hope, that I will also get there… one way or another… eventually!
In other news we got the results from the sneaky ‘mid-cycle’ testosterone test and I guess it’s possibly goodish news – see how I’m hedging. Last time the test was 7.5 (below normal) and this time it was 7.6, still below normal but not down! Now we half expected the number to have dropped and while it isn’t conclusively up, this could just possibly be a sign that in another two weeks it might climb. So actually we are no wiser than we were before the test, but it’s not bad news and for now I’ll take that as good news.