Faith and God and Infertility

So I mentioned that what got this blog started was someone else’ blog which compelled me to comment. Does Your God Want a Lolipop

Now I don’t want to upset anyone whose faith is carrying them through the trials and tribulations of TTC, but God has been on my mind quite a lot recently. And today there was a post on Fertilicare where someone seemed to be showing her distaste for those who seem to think god has some crazy plan for us. And so at last I come back to this topic, probably not for the last time.

I had some faith left when I started the infertility journey. Back in the day I would have called myself a Catholic. Was confirmed rather late in life after a variety of less than pleasant ‘religious’ experiences had led me to try all sorts. But the further into this TTC journey I travel the more my faith dwindles. 

The god I believed in, the one most people talk about (especially Christians) is a forgiving god.  A kind and loving god.  A god who looks over us and looks after his flock!.  Well sorry if this is a bit blunt – but where the f&%k is this god when I hurt.  If he is a god that is all powerful, all seeing and all knowing how can he know how I feel, see what DH and I are going through and not use his power to fix that?  I don’t buy that cr#p about him testing me?  What is he? A sadist?  I don’t buy the cr#p that he has a bigger plan – again a sadist me thinks?

So I’m afraid my journey (and those of the lovely ladies I have encountered on this road) has led me away from the silly notion of god (sorry if offend anyone here), well certainly the notion that there is a god that deserves worship. I’m a little pissed at him (in case you couldn’t tell).

Now actually this post (once again) sounds as though I am in a bad place, when in fact I am doing better this week that I have been since DHs T results. I’ve just been dying to get this one off my chest for quite some time. I will hopefully use the weekend to catch up on my blog properly and explain what I’ve been doing while I’ve been awol.


About MommyAtLast

Finally a Mommy to our Medical Miracle IVF Boy / Girl Twins who were born in November 2011. We overcame azoospermia using hormone therapy for my hubby to conceive our precious Hope Babes on our 4th IVF.
This entry was posted in Infertility, religion, TTC and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

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