So I mentioned that what got this blog started was someone else’ blog which compelled me to comment. Does Your God Want a Lolipop
Now I don’t want to upset anyone whose faith is carrying them through the trials and tribulations of TTC, but God has been on my mind quite a lot recently. And today there was a post on Fertilicare where someone seemed to be showing her distaste for those who seem to think god has some crazy plan for us. And so at last I come back to this topic, probably not for the last time.
I had some faith left when I started the infertility journey. Back in the day I would have called myself a Catholic. Was confirmed rather late in life after a variety of less than pleasant ‘religious’ experiences had led me to try all sorts. But the further into this TTC journey I travel the more my faith dwindles.
The god I believed in, the one most people talk about (especially Christians) is a forgiving god. A kind and loving god. A god who looks over us and looks after his flock!. Well sorry if this is a bit blunt – but where the f&%k is this god when I hurt. If he is a god that is all powerful, all seeing and all knowing how can he know how I feel, see what DH and I are going through and not use his power to fix that? I don’t buy that cr#p about him testing me? What is he? A sadist? I don’t buy the cr#p that he has a bigger plan – again a sadist me thinks?
So I’m afraid my journey (and those of the lovely ladies I have encountered on this road) has led me away from the silly notion of god (sorry if offend anyone here), well certainly the notion that there is a god that deserves worship. I’m a little pissed at him (in case you couldn’t tell).
Now actually this post (once again) sounds as though I am in a bad place, when in fact I am doing better this week that I have been since DHs T results. I’ve just been dying to get this one off my chest for quite some time. I will hopefully use the weekend to catch up on my blog properly and explain what I’ve been doing while I’ve been awol.