Through the eyes of a stranger

With ICLW this week (my first) I’m finding it quite hard to keep up with all the things I am trying to cram into my life. It means I spent a significant amount of Thursday night in front of my PC reading, commenting and writing my own post. So naturally when we got into bed DH and I spent some time chatting about blogland.

Before I get into this, I am sick of referring to the love of my life as DH, not very personal seeing as everyone in the IF world uses this, except those who have found something better. My darling refers to himself as Hopelessly TTC on the Fertilicare Forum and on his own blog. So from here on in my man will be known as Hopelessly.

So Thursday night I was saying to him, how I’ve really gotten into blogging, both writing my own blog and even more so reading other peoples. Now anyone who really knows me knows that I am a bit of a voyeur and so of course reading other people’s lives appeals to me, but it’s more than that. During this journey I have discovered that there is ALWAYS more than one perspective, more than one side to the story and that everyone is different and comes from a different place. Reading other people’s journeys has helped me to form my own opinions better, to really open my mind to other possibilities and to see that all too often there is simply no RIGHT and WRONG, just different perspectives. Not something I’m naturally inclined towards, because I am opinionated, very opinionated (I hear Hopelessly saying sarcastically “Really? I would never have noticed!”)

So Hopelessly says to me he really hasn’t been blogging lately and he just can’t get back into it. He says he blogs for himself, it’s not about the readers, but having readers helps him to keep blogging, only now it feels as though his readers ganged up on him a little and he feels hen-pecked (actually I’m paraphrasing totally, but it’s the just of what he said). And I knew straight away this was about his last blog post.

I have’t commented on it, because to be honest I didn’t know how to respond at first and then it was behind us and we just moved on.

Hopelessly and I talk constantly, about everything. We spent a few months living with my BFF a few years ago and she said it was so strange because from the very moment we wake up in the morning to the last thing we do at night, we talk, we giggle and we talk some more. Hopelessly is my very best friend and there has never EVER been anything we can’t talk about. Through this whole horrible journey we have still been able to talk and tell each other how we feel about each step and how we feel about the other one and how we feel about what the other person has said or done. So Hopelessly’s blog was a bit of a shock for me. I didn’t know he felt this way, I didn’t know that this was how he saw my reaction to the FS news to move the goal posts. And even when he wrote it down, it had taken him days to get it out. I was hurt the night I came home and read that post. I was hurt that some of my friends (IF friends from the forum who are becoming IRL friends) had read the post first, that they knew how my husband felt before I did and I was embarrassed, because truth be told, my behaviour was appalling.

But because Hopelessly and I talk about everything, we talked about his post that night. And I was so grateful for blogland that had given him a place and a way to tell me what he was feeling in a way that allowed me to hear without getting defensive, a new way for us to communicate. I’m not a fan of the communicate remotely idea, but when things get too difficult I love that we now have another tool in our communication kit that can keep us in touch.

And so we moved on from the post.

Only I had never read any of the comments that he received on the blog. You see the IF ladies had come to my defense. They told him to “give (his) wife her moment”, to “see his wife’s point of view”, told him that they can “relate to how his wife is feeling”, but not one person said that they understood how he was feeling. Not one called me a B%tch like they possibly should have because I can tell you that wasn’t my finest hour. And so my poor man felt hen pecked by my IF sisters, none of whom I’ve even met by the way, but I love you all for caring so for me and protecting me. I guess it’s a testament to the lack of men partaking of the IF blogland. But where were the men to rally behind my man?

I just want to say that the true beauty of blogland is the differing perspectives and no one is 100% right all the time and no one is 100% wrong all the time. What I write on my blog is just my view point. Maybe it will help someone else relate to what they are going through and maybe it will help some man relate to what their wife is going through, just like Hopelessly’s blog helps me to relate to what he is going through, helps me to see the world through his eyes and hopefully helps another women to understand what her husband might be going through.

About MommyAtLast

Finally a Mommy to our Medical Miracle IVF Boy / Girl Twins who were born in November 2011. We overcame azoospermia using hormone therapy for my hubby to conceive our precious Hope Babes on our 4th IVF.
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3 Responses to Through the eyes of a stranger

  1. Sharon says:

    Hey Hopefully, you know what you write on your blog is not about right or wrong, its about feelings and there is no right or wrong there, just opinions.
    As for Hopelessly, sadly, I reckon he’s often going to feel a bit hen pecked and its exactly because there are very few men participating in the infertility arena. W (my DH) would rather poke rusty needles in his eyes before disussing our IF sh*t with anyone else.
    Hang in there!

    • mommyinwaiting says:

      The way I’m feeling today I would rather poke rusty needles in my eyes than experience any of this infertility sh*t! Thanks for being there!

  2. Noelle says:

    I feel the same way about blogging. It really has helped me in so many ways. One of the reasons in which I like it is that I can somewhat protect myself from what I see. I go to Fertility Friend quite a bit, but I got really tired of seeing all of the pregnancies. With blogging, I can read about people who are struggling like I am.

    Your blog is wonderful. I really enjoyed reading many of your posts. I pray that you will get your little baby sometime soon.


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