I think I’m not altogether there this weekend! Yesterday I woke up and started crying and for the rest of the day the slightest thing would set me off again. I am terrified of the results from Hopelessly’s testosterone test this week. Totally unexplainably terrified.
There really is no reason for me to feel this way, this isnt’ the end point, this is just another test! We still have another two of these before it’s crunch time. And yet, I can’t seem to get my mind straight.
So I slept alright last night but at 6am I was awake again, even though we didn’t go to sleep until midnight. So I got up, got on the forum, read some blogs and by the time Hopelessly came to kiss me good morning I was chipper and ready to face the day. In fact when we got back into bed for our coffee, I was suffering from a bad case of verbal diarrhea. You see I am totally clear on my next hobby project now and want to get started so I was rattling away about how I’m going to do it and all the ideas I have for it.
Then e got to talking about the house and garden and whether it would be big enough for the kids and I was talking about Cam’s vegetable garden and next thing I was crying again. I was saying how I fancy a garden just like hers and Hopelessly was saying how he remembers when he was a kid how the vegetable garden was a bit of a pain, to much work for not enough reward. All I could think about was how me growing carrots with my Dad is one of my last memories from while my parents were still married and one of the last things I did with my Dad while he still lived at home and how I want to share that kind of special experience with our children.
So I pulled myself together again and I was all bubbly again, until I asked hubby about the treatment he is on. I’m all confused about why we’re on this plan. And all I could think is hat we are wasting time creating testosterone, when what we need is sperm and these injections aren’t going to get us sperm and maybe we should change the plan. Get him on the Menopur now or even Clomid, but just start working on sperm and who cares about the rest. So I was crying again!
How is it that my husband, the one on the hormones is so stable and rational and I am totally off the wall. I mean it’s not AF time, I’m not hormonal at all and yet I’m loosing it… again. If I didn’t know better (or do I) I would think I’ve got bi-polar, up and downs of such extremes.
Anyway he got me back on track and reminded me that this will still tell us whether we will be wasting our time and money on Menopur and it is the right plan.