Avoidance

I can’t believe almost two weeks has gone by since my last blog! I have an excuse and it’s a good one, well I have a few excuses but they all add up to one thing…

Firstly work has been hectic. No really I mean crazy busy. Last week there were a few days where I was at my desk all the way in town by 5.30am. Insane I know! Big event (great success I am glad to report) and some pre-sales meetings which were also VERY successful. Both meetings led to the client signing up for BIG money projects. So while it was completely exhausting and stressful and my poor man hardly saw me at all – a very successful week.

Then I have been good at getting on top of my distractions. I will post on this separately as I even have photos to brag with, but I just have to say the card class we so awesome that I am signed up for another one next week.

Thank heavens for the distractions list, it has helped time to fly, but I fear I haven’t been the best wife ever. Normally it is Hopelessly who buries his head in something and simply avoids too much thinking. Typical male behaviour I am told. And make no mistake he has spent plenty time in his ‘man cave’ also known as his workshop and some beautiful work has come out of it (Take a look here). But I think he has been suffering while I took the opportunity to simply bury my head in the sand. I hid in my work, in my distractions, in my IF sisters from the book club and movies, in books, in TV and yes even in food!

I have avoided Fertilicare, I have avoided my blog and my blog reader (I had nearly 200 posts to read when I finally ventured into my reader this evening), I have avoided thinking about infertility, avoided thinking about Hopelessly’s test last week, avoided thinking about the results which we could have picked up today and avoided thinking about our appointment with Dr S tomorrow. And for the first time in my life I was successful at avoiding that which I didn’t want to face. But now the hour is upon us…

Tomorrow is our D Day! Another D Day I know. We thought we were facing our D Day over two months ago when Dr Shit-for-brains moved the goal posts. That day I thought the worst thing that could happen had happened, that he had told me to wait some more. Now as I face the thought of tomorrow, the thing I fear most is being told that Hopelessly can’t be the biological father of our kids. Now I am willing to face another three months and another three after that if they will just give us more hope. I will happily stick it to him every night (injections that is – you dirty people) if we can just have his nose on our baby or his blonde baby hair on our boy!

Last week Hopelessly said he wanted to have another Semen Analysis done as well as the testosterone test. We both have very little hope that the last month of injections will have made any difference to his testosterone results and if the testosterone results haven’t increased and the Doc says there’s no point in trying anything else, we want to know for sure that he didn’t have that one Lone Ranger, that swimmer that could turn out to be our baby.

I got home from work this afternoon and Hopelessly asked me to phone the clinic to get the results of the SA and the Testosterone test. I had managed to avoid even thinking about the fact that we could get the results before our appointment. When I phone the clinic it was already closed. I think I might be a little relieved that we couldn’t get the results. I’m just not ready for the bad news tonight. And I really a convinced it’s not good news… so I’ll just avoid it for a few more hours.

Oh please, pretty please let there be some good news tomorrow. PLEASE!

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About MommyAtLast

Finally a Mommy to our Medical Miracle IVF Boy / Girl Twins who were born in November 2011. We overcame azoospermia using hormone therapy for my hubby to conceive our precious Hope Babes on our 4th IVF.
This entry was posted in fertility Treatment, Infertility, Male Factor Infertility, TTC and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Avoidance

  1. Mash says:

    Oh it’s you 🙂 Still working my way through this blogging thing.

    I’m holding everything for you guys tomorrow. Yours was the first story I followed on fertilicare and it’s very close to my heart.

    Please, please, please sperm angels, could you visit hopelessly tonight and a couple o’ swimmers in there?

  2. Bratty says:

    Hopefull and Hopeless…i will be praying hard for both of you. I just hope that you get answers. You can work with answers but the unknown is just a killer….

    Good luck

  3. ttcnot2easy says:

    Good luck you guys – I’ll be thinking of you this arvie!
    xxxx

  4. Gailly says:

    Good luck hun. xx

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