Enough of the Self-Pity Party Already!

So at last I am totally caught up on all the blogs I hadn’t got to reading in the last few weeks while I’ve been avoiding all things infertility. Wow in two weeks we go through so much in this world of IF. In two weeks one woman got her baby in her arms via adoption, in two weeks three women finally got their BFP, in two weeks one person has gone from hope of having her hubby’s child to secretly hoping he can just move on from his bio babies, in two weeks one woman lost her little bean in the belly, in two weeks one woman went from no hope to actually getting a prescription for hope form her FS! No wonder so many of us are an emotional mess, no wonder so many of us require some kind of anti-depressant or mood stabiliser, no wonder I thought I might be saner without this in my life.

But it hasn’t been like that. All that happens without the blogosphere is I get too caught up in my own brain. It’s good to share, it’s good to have ‘friends’ who help to take you out of your own self-pity party. So I’m back and hoping to stay in touch a little better, although I imagine having my family around is going to make that rather tough.

So what’s going on in this addled brain of mine?

I seem to have gone from such a high of hope that we still have hope that we can have Hopelessly’s bio baby to just being in a funk over the waiting. The bitch with IF is that every situation is different, every diagnosis requires different action and MFI has a special kind of hell. It seems that when you have female issues you keep cycling, temping, medicating and testing, every month is the hideous roller-coaster ride, the hope, the waiting. Some days I am so relieved for not having that ride, others days I wish I could be doing something because waiting and not ‘doing’ something is driving me crazy.

I know I’m mad, I mean we ARE doing something, as the slowly developing bruises on my poor man’s bum will attest to. We are taking action as our fast growing medical bills will attest to. (As an aside we have been completely unable to get Pregnyl in South Africa and as a result he is now on Ovidrel injections once a week instead of the Pregnyl. Ovidrel is 3 times the price. Yes THREE times the price! Between that and the Menopur three times a week it’s not cheap.) I’ve even tried talking to his little guys (sorry Hunny of course I mean big guys) in the hopes that lots of loving talk will encourage them into action. The FS said that he will feel ‘something’ in his balls when they start developing and I think that three weeks of the new protocol should be enough for them to be in action now! Don’t you agree?!?

Anyway every day I keep hoping that today will be the day that I get through without feeling the need to fight the tears, without needing to brace myself against the baby talk, without living in fear of pregnancy announcements, but today isn’t that day. But I really have had enough of the self-pity party already. Thanks to all of you who help to keep me sane, by getting out of my own head.


About MommyAtLast

Finally a Mommy to our Medical Miracle IVF Boy / Girl Twins who were born in November 2011. We overcame azoospermia using hormone therapy for my hubby to conceive our precious Hope Babes on our 4th IVF.
This entry was posted in fertility Treatment, Infertility, Male Factor Infertility, TTC and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Enough of the Self-Pity Party Already!

  1. Mash says:

    Welcome back… it is a nice safe little virtual world this blogosphere isn’t it? I wonder how people cope without it. I can imagine the frustration, when we were first diagnosed, there was a bit of indecision around WHOSE infertility it actually was. Mine or his. When it was his, I was relieved and then instantly frustrated because I couldn’t do anything about it. When it was mine, I felt guilty and frustrated because all the “work” I’m doing to fix it doesn’t make it better…

  2. ttcnot2easy says:

    Ah yes, the constant waiting really is the pits. I think that a contributing factor to the sadness, is the fact that everyone is so damned jolly at this time of year – well, those are my thoughts, anyway. I think that my DH can relate to your immense feeling of Waiting – he said to me just last night “I’m f’ing irritated and just want it to be our turn already. I’m impatient!”.. So there you go.. you are certainly not alone in your thoughts!! xxx

  3. dee says:

    I know how you feel. Waiting is the worst.

  4. bratty says:

    I like Pity Parties…I always feel better once I have attended one..especially if I hosted it….
    Waiting is a bummer…but you know what they say “Good things come to those who wait”…just wish they would hurry up now already…smile

  5. Wallace says:

    Nothing wrong with self pity, its natural. However it never gets any of us anywhere. Never give up and keep on believing that you will succeed is the only way to go…

  6. Hi, been searching for ages for someone going throught the same! Loads of stuff out there about female infertility, but non for men. The waiting’s driving me mad. We’ve been going for tests for more than 18 months now. My poor husband has been for every test under the sun. I don’t know what to do at the moment. My husband was on pregnyl and menopur but the tests came back still 0. After LOTS of questioning on my part (desperation as they said this was the last thing they could do!) it turns out they’d mispresribed the menopur and he’d been taking 1/3 of what he was supposed to be taking!!!! What I don’t understand is they’ve agreed (again because I nagged) to give him menopur again, but only for a month and no pregnyl. Last time they said he had to have it for a minimum of 3 months before would work and that was with both of them. If this is really our last chance of a baby that’s biologically my husbands, how do I get them to listen to me? they seem to be happy just to say it’s not worked, look at something else…. I don’t know whether to cry or scream! Actually done a share of each!

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