I had this whole plan about doing a post today on Milestones and then Hopelessly turned up at work this morning and once again just lit up my life!
Normally given half a chance I bake a carrot cake and my birthday is a perfect excuse to eat my favourite form of evil, but this year, I didn’t make the time the effort and just couldn’t be bothered. So I had planned to pick up some cakes to take into work. But then couldn’t be bothered / forgot and so I came to work and kept my head low in the hopes no one would remember my birthday and therefore wouldn’t ask where the cake is. I think I was also hoping that if no one acknowledged my birthday I wouldn’t get any older.
Only at around 11am, Hopelessly rang me and asked me to pop downstairs. And there he was with two bunches of beautiful flowers for me and cakes and milktart and hertzogies and koeksisters! And all of a sudden everyone at work remembered it was my birthday and it has turned into a celebration.
One of my friends (Scary Hairy) has begged me not to tell his wife about how spoilt I was until they have also been married for over 10 years. I asked why and he said love has to grow to get this good! How right he is. Maybe a real demonstration of how old I am getting is when I think back that Hopelessly and I have known each other for over 16 years, we have been together for nearly 14 years and have been married for nearly 12 years! But until my friend mentioned it I don’t think it had really occurred to me that that old saying really is true, I do love my man more each passing day and our love has really grown bigger and stronger and it sustains me every day of my life.
The last few days I’ve been a bit down, probably got rather a lot to do with the big ‘Milestone’ of my 35th Birthday and all the stats that go along with that number. How did I ever get to be old? I remember always being the youngest, amongst the youngest in my class, youngest in the company at work, youngest manager at work … and then somehow time caught up with me. I mean I still feel 16 (especially when my man is with me and makes me laugh at myself!) But now I keep hearing how I’m getting old to be starting a family and I hear there is even a term for women over 35 who get pregnant. So this is a milestone.
Today it is also a year ago exactly that we really started TTC. I mean we hadn’t used contraceptives for years before that, but we knew that e couldn’t have kids, so we weren’t trying. But then, the overwhelming urge overtook me and for my birthday last year Hopelessly took himself to the doctor to talk about what he could do (if anything) and had some (more) tests done and I guess we officially started trying then, well working on being in a position to actually try. And it’s been a tough year, we’ve gone from no hope, to hope, to a late AF and the could I be???, to no hope, to sticking my man full of holes and hormones and hoping, to no hope and then to HOPE! A complete roller coaster ride and it’s not over yet. And so I was expecting to feel even more down now that it’s official that I’m old.
But I’ve had surprises, and phone calls, and sms’s, and skype messages and have felt more loved and cared for this year than possibly ever before. And so I’m feeling great and this is a celebration after all!
Thank you Honey for lighting up my life and bringing me hope and turning my birthday into a celebration and loving me more than I ever thought I could possibly deserve.