All us IFs know how on a bad day it can be just sooo painful to see a preggie belly or a new born baby, but on the whole I’m not normally too bad. Somehow instead I seem to take immense pleasure in discussing other people’s children. Not sure how this came about, but somehow I have become the person at work everyone tells all about their kids. I guess they must sense in me my desperate desire to need to make decisions on what school, or what type of school. Maybe it’s just my morbid fascination with something I just can’t have?
So since my day started today I have had to endure our Project Manager telling me all about how his life is so tough because he has to work so hard and then when the weekend comes around he has to prioritise what his kids want to do and so he never gets any time to do what he wants. Actually this all came out of me jokingly saying how I keep thinking that maybe one day when I grow I up I might be a Project Manager – HA HA! He was explaining to me how I really don’t want the job, but somehow ended up telling me how I just don’t really want to be a parent either. I was on the verge of saying – “Well I won’t apply for any Project Management or Parenting roles then. Never mind it seems I’m not qualified for either job anyway!”
As I was clearly feeling rather sorry for myself I decided that in that case stuff the healthy eating and weight loss plan, I was having a chocolate croissant and hot chocolate for breakfast. So off I toddled to get them. The owner of the coffee shop had her ever so cute 5½ year old daughter in the shop today. Beautiful with amazing little curls and dimples and a cheeky smile.
So I come back drown my sorrows in chocolate and when I head over to chat to a colleague about something, he launches into how his wife has concerns about the school that his boys are at and doesn’t want their daughter (who is only three months old) to go there. And before I know it we are in a long conversation about educational styles and what makes a good school and all the things he has to worry about with his kids, their safety, the influences in their lives etc etc etc.
Sometimes I love that (since a few people have left the team) only one person at work knows about our infertility. I get treated normally. I never feel like people have to worry about what they say in front of me. I don’t feel like anyone has to pity me. But some days I just want to be spared all the kiddie talk. But if the conversation gets started I just can’t help myself from asking all the questions. I love picking a parents brain about what they think of various things, and the tough decisions. And how they decided various things, and how they feel about the decisions they have to make and the options.
DAMN it I want to be my turn now.
Oh Heavens I sound like one of those insufferable whining infertiles.