So Friday morning Hopelessly was a wa.nker – yes, literally. It was test day, so off we headed to the clinic and no I didn’t go along to give him a hand, but to sort out the next three month supply of meds while he was busy. We paid our hideous amount of money for more drugs and left the clinic.
As we were driving away I was on the verge of tears bracing myself for the bad news, even though we weren’t expecting the results until Monday. As much as I was hoping for some sperm, I really didn’t think we would have it. I was so sad for the bad news my poor man would have to endure and so frustrated at the thought of more jabs with no idea of whether it would ever work or not. And full of thoughts of how much longer do we have to keep going?
I don’t think we were even five minutes away when Hopelessly’s cell phone rang and because he is a good law abiding citizen and doesn’t answer his phone when he’s driving I answered it. It was Greg from the lab (I have to tell you he is my new favourite person!) to ask if they could please prepare Hopelessly’s sample as they had found some motile sperm!!!
I don’t think anything can explain how I felt in that moment. I started shrieking and crying and laughing all at once and poor Hopelessly nearly drove off the road cause he had no idea what it was all about. Motile sperm! Some not just one or the two that I hoped for but some! Having no idea what he was preparing the sample for I simply agreed to anything Greg wanted so I could get off the phone and give my darling the good news properly. I couldn’t stop sobbing. The relief and joy and excitement all rolled into one. The end to some of the sadness I feel like I have been carrying for so long and for the very first time a real taste of what REAL hope feels like.
I don’t have any idea what it feels like to get the BFP, but having now experienced this awesome news I can start to have a little taste. The whole day every time I thought about the fact that I will actually be able to have my man’s biological baby I started blubbing again. It was like I had a leaky tap in my eyes. So emotional and overwhelmed and thrilled and by now you are bored with my adjectives for how it felt…
A couple of hours later Greg the lab hero called back with full details, not enough sperm to provide a count. Now here’s something I don’t get, they can count them if there are millions, but with only ‘some’ they can’t count? Can they not count up to a few hundred? How does that work. Anyway.
The awesome news was that there was enough for IVF with ICSI! So now we are waiting for Dr S to ring us back and give us advice on what next. We have what we need to go straight to IVF with ICSI, but we suspect he is going to advise us that if we give the jabs a few more months we may be able to avoid the very invasive IVF and possibly be able to go with IUI?
We spent some time this weekend chatting about whether we should just go straight to ICSI seeing as we can and we have already waited so very long. But we both agreed that there seems very little point in doing that if there is a chance we may not have to. Unless Dr S advises us to get straight on with it, we will give it another two or three months and see what level of improvement we can get. Right now all we have is a baseline and a test in a couple of months might show us a huge improvement. I know that’s too much to hope for after what we have already managed to achieve, but it’s worth waiting to see. And if the improvement isn’t enough or showing significant enough results that another few months will get us to the land of IUI then we will go with IVF.
So I now have all the motivation I need to get back on the healthy eating plan and have already eaten more veggies in the last three days than in the previous two weeks!
Thank you everyone for your well wishes and hopes and support and love to get us here.
We now have the ingredients to bake our baby, so… ready, steady, cook!