Almost one week down, just over five weeks wait left – I am sure that at some point my excitement will subside a little and I will stop the constant counting – but then maybe not. I am still on cloud nine.
Thank you to all of you for your input. We have had a few long deep conversations about whether to hold out hope for IUI or just get on with ICSI and your comments were great at giving us a balanced view point from those who have been there and done this all before. We have decided that no matter what the six weeks to retest is worthwhile.
The change in my husband in the last week has been amazing to see. I don’t think I’ve seen him without a smile and it looks as though he is walking at least six inches taller – and that’s something because he is already around 6ft3in!!!
Like most of you (I’m sure) we have had countless conversations about ‘when’ we have kids. You know the kinds that starts with the shopping spree you will have when you get your BFP, will we find out what sex it is, how will we cope financially without my salary when I take maternity leave (I am a contractor so no maternity pay here). It then enters the land of how we will decorate the nursery, how we will ensure our kid is the smartest kid on the block without being those pushy over bearing parents, whether our boy will play rugby or soccer, how we will teach the sprogs the value of money and how to responsibly manage money and become independent. And on and on and on and round and round and round.
I just don’t think Hopelessly has ever really believed these conversations. I think in his mind they were the same as the ‘if we won the lottery’ conversation. Nice wasy to pass the time dreaming about how good life could be, but not something you’re actually planning for.
Monday night we got to talking about the maternity leave impact and whether I should be looking for a permanent job or how we would handle my contract over maternity leave and for the first time I actually saw it dawn on him that these things may all come to pass. That we may actually have to REALLY plan for these things.
I don’t think I had ever realised what an impact his diagnosis has had on him. Having met Hopelessly a few years after his diagnosis, I never knew him before and can’t comment on whether he was changed by it. But I get the feeling he was and no matter what we have had planned in our lives or been doing this ‘infertile’ label weighed heavily on his shoulders. And now the entry of hope has transformed him. I think we may have to find a new name as he’s not so “Hopelessly” Trying to Conceive anymore!