Friday’s appointment went exactly as expected. I was so relieved about that. I kept promising myself that I would not anticipate what the doctor would say, I would not get ahead of him and have my own plan in my mind because when I do that it just ends up upsetting me when things aren’t exactly the way I imagined. I guess that’s the whole story of infertility, none of this is quite the way we anticipated. But despite my promises to myself after the results I knew we had to go with IVF and so I couldn’t help myself figuring it all out in my mind. My worst fears for the appointment were that the doc would say we can’t go ahead this month for some reason, or that he would say we should give it a few more months and see if we get more of an improvement. The last six weeks to the follow up test gave me the chance to come to terms with the idea of doing IVF and I couldn’t bare the thought of having to wait. I have been so calm and I was terrified that if we had to delay any longer my calm state would go completely out the window.
So thank heavens Dr S followed the plan in my crazy brain.
He was amazing! I was convinced I would suffer another SNAIF (Sleepless Night Attributed to Infertility) the night before the appointment and so I climbed into bed with a notebook and pen and wrote down every question that was swirling in my brain before turning off the lights. It worked and I slept relatively well. And Dr S patiently answered every one of them. He has such an awesome way of answering your question in a simple enough way that you understand but also that manages not to be condescending at all. I think he started off giving us info assuming we knew nothing or very little, but as I came out with the questions he realised we had done some homework and weren’t totally ignorant about what was involved.
So on day 1 of my next cycle I phone the clinic to book my day 3 scan to check for cysts or any other obstacles and on day three after the scan I will get my meds and we start IVF with ICSI! Because I had some concerns about how short some of my cycles have been I will be going for a day 6 scan and we will take it from there. When I asked about PICSI he said yes, no problem we can do that. He said that there is no evidence that it has a significantly improved success rate, but that it might help to ensure we get the most mature sperm.
After the appointment I let my IF sisters know the outcome and a friend of mine asked if I was excited. It’s funny I’m not sure it had occurred to me to be excited about this, but when she asked and I started thinking about it – I am. I am excited. Not in a jump up and down kind of way. Not because the idea of scans with the dildo cam excite me. Not because shooting up hormones excites me. Not because the idea of holding my breath for two weeks excites me. Not because I ‘just know’ it’s going to work – I don’t have that kind of blind optimism. But because we are doing something. You’ve “gotta be in it to win it” and we will be in it!
So hold on folks brace yourselves for those dull posts about scans and follies and ER and fertilisation rates and ET and waiting waiting waiting. For now we are starting with the waiting for AF to show.