Attitude Adjustment

I know this is silly, but I had grand dreams of lots of follies. I read this study on how the more eggs you retrieve the better your chances of a take home baby and I wanted that. And I know I promised myself I would simply accept whatever happened because hell they had no idea how I would stim and as a friend reminded me this morning when she phoned for the news ‘it only takes one’. But I am disappointed and feeling a bit sad today.

The scan this morning was pretty uneventful and that left me feeling disappointed too. On the right side Prof could see four follies and three of them are definitely getting bigger (biggest 17mm) and on the left he only measured one around (13mm). He said there are still some smaller ones, but didn’t seem too impressed by those. My lining is at 7mm, and he seemed happy with that. Anyway back tomorrow for another scan! So still no ER date.

And work is not playing the game either. There has been this HUGE very high profile project brewing and the whole team has been burying our heads in the sand and hoping it would just go away, but NO! It reared its ugly head yesterday and now everything is behind schedule and under pressure and a large amount of the pressure is landing solidly here – with me. On my way home yesterday I was on the verge of tears at the thought that this work stress is bad for me, bad for our cycle and bad for our chances of success. I was ready to just hide at home and say ‘stuff it’ to work. But by the time I got home I had put things back in perspective and realised that the pressure isn’t that bad, I will be busy, but I don’t have to be stressed. I’ve got the whole team working with me and in fact the project manager is bringing in extra resources to help, so it will be fine. And actually being busy at work may just be the perfect distraction to keep me out of my head and over thinking everything for the rest of this cycle.

I am working so hard to try to accept whatever comes and stay calm and not get stressed about all these things which I simply cannot control.

So I took an hour away (and actually did some of the tonnes of work I have on at the moment) and now I’ve had an attitude adjustment. A friend mentioned this morning that on one of her IVF cycles her donor only had egg retrieval on CD17, but it was better that way as they ended up with a great haul. So I’ve decided that it’s fine, a little more time before retrieval will be fine.

Now come on follies – work with me on this.

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About MommyAtLast

Finally a Mommy to our Medical Miracle IVF Boy / Girl Twins who were born in November 2011. We overcame azoospermia using hormone therapy for my hubby to conceive our precious Hope Babes on our 4th IVF.
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13 Responses to Attitude Adjustment

  1. Cathy Nel says:

    And the rollercoaster ride continues! Here’s hoping you can cling onto your sanity for a little longer 🙂 I told my family that I have the right to pull out the insanity card at anytime so they better just be aware.
    Hang in there and everything will work out, just keep believing
    xxx

  2. Melissa (The Sweetest Gift) says:

    As Dory would say “Just keep swimming” 🙂 I have read a few studies that say slow and steady stimming is good and thus I was worried when I had to trigger at CD11 already.

    ((Hugs)) It will all work out. Keeping you in my prayers!

    xx

  3. Kim says:

    Oh I’m sorry to hear this. But remember that you are after quality, not quantity and they say that the quality can be better with fewer eggs. Best of luck for your scan tomorrow. I hope it brings better news.

    Kim

  4. skrambled says:

    Every cycle is different and everyone is different. We always want our numbers to be BIG because we have been conditioned to believe that. But it really does just take one. Good luck.

  5. dee says:

    IVF is hard. Each scan is a rollercoaster of emotions. Im pretty sure you will trigger tomorrow, they wont want the lead follie to get much bigger, so ER should be on Sunday. xx

  6. Mash says:

    don’t worry about stress (contradiction in terms)… There really is very little proof of the impact of stress on IVF. We’ve all known of girls who had hideous stress during their IVF and got their BFP! I find work to be my sanctuary, even when it’s stressed. I LOVE the feeling of being busy, maybe even a bit to my detriment!

  7. samcy says:

    I know that you can’t help but want plenty eggs. That being said my FS often tells me its about quality and NOT quantity. Focus on that. Also remember that there might be one or two follies hiding behind the others that they could not see….

    Hang in there honey, you’re doing GREAT!

    xxx

  8. tasivfer says:

    How unusual; I would never have guessed that you’d want to be a high-achiever in the # of follicles you produced! 😉 But seriouslymy RE prfers to see fewer follicles as he thinks the eggs you do get at ER are of higher quality. For me the number of eggs I’ve had at retrieval hasn’t made a big difference in the number of embryos that are there for transfer later.

    And hey – if you’re not PM on the project, relax and enjoy – you can only do the amount of work you can do! (Not that I can ever take that advice, but soemone should.)

  9. Emmy says:

    I did have some hiding follicles that they found when they went in to retrieve. I hope that the smaller ones can catch up and that you get a nice amount of good, mature eggs!

  10. Gwen says:

    I also had a couple of hidden follicles at ER. I’m thinking that if your lead follicle is already at 17mm they will want to trigger soon, so I don’t think you’ll have to wait until CD17.

    Don’t worry about the number of follicles. If you google hard enough you can find a study to support almost anything – make confirmation bias work for you and go and look for the ones that support a link between fewer eggs and higher quality ;).

    Looking forward to news of today’s scan.

  11. Melissa (The Sweetest Gift) says:

    Hope you got some better news today? ER date set yet?

    xx

  12. ChrisN says:

    I read your blog every day and love your updates.

    All the best for ER next week. Will be holding thumbs and praying that all this magic that seems to be in the air touches you and Hopelessly/DefTTC and brings a BFP to you in the next few weeks.

  13. miela says:

    Hi, I only had ER on CD 18. I only had a few small follies with the first scan and the dr did’nt look 2 happy. Then at my third scan all of a sudden the small ones were all around 17mm.

    Waiting a little longer might do the trick! Good luck.

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