I know this is silly, but I had grand dreams of lots of follies. I read this study on how the more eggs you retrieve the better your chances of a take home baby and I wanted that. And I know I promised myself I would simply accept whatever happened because hell they had no idea how I would stim and as a friend reminded me this morning when she phoned for the news ‘it only takes one’. But I am disappointed and feeling a bit sad today.
The scan this morning was pretty uneventful and that left me feeling disappointed too. On the right side Prof could see four follies and three of them are definitely getting bigger (biggest 17mm) and on the left he only measured one around (13mm). He said there are still some smaller ones, but didn’t seem too impressed by those. My lining is at 7mm, and he seemed happy with that. Anyway back tomorrow for another scan! So still no ER date.
And work is not playing the game either. There has been this HUGE very high profile project brewing and the whole team has been burying our heads in the sand and hoping it would just go away, but NO! It reared its ugly head yesterday and now everything is behind schedule and under pressure and a large amount of the pressure is landing solidly here – with me. On my way home yesterday I was on the verge of tears at the thought that this work stress is bad for me, bad for our cycle and bad for our chances of success. I was ready to just hide at home and say ‘stuff it’ to work. But by the time I got home I had put things back in perspective and realised that the pressure isn’t that bad, I will be busy, but I don’t have to be stressed. I’ve got the whole team working with me and in fact the project manager is bringing in extra resources to help, so it will be fine. And actually being busy at work may just be the perfect distraction to keep me out of my head and over thinking everything for the rest of this cycle.
I am working so hard to try to accept whatever comes and stay calm and not get stressed about all these things which I simply cannot control.
So I took an hour away (and actually did some of the tonnes of work I have on at the moment) and now I’ve had an attitude adjustment. A friend mentioned this morning that on one of her IVF cycles her donor only had egg retrieval on CD17, but it was better that way as they ended up with a great haul. So I’ve decided that it’s fine, a little more time before retrieval will be fine.
Now come on follies – work with me on this.