I will learn that if there is an inconvenient time for things to happen and my body can arrange it, it will ensure that the most inconvenient thing happens. So with the whole family arriving for my Mom’s send off this weekend when would be the least convenient moment for me to have the Hysteroscopy? And if Friday would be the least convenient moment when would AF have to arrive to ensure this maximum inconvenient timing? Yup Sunday!
So Sunday morning AF arrived – dumb b!tch! Which means that the hysteroscopy has to happen this week or wait until next month! And while I know that I was relieved at being ‘forced’ into a month’s wait before our next IVF, I do not want to be forced into another month’s wait.
So I didn’t get much sleep last night, another SNAIF (Sleepless Night Attributed to Infetility) in fact only about three hours! I tossed and turned and weighed up the pros and cons and then when I dozed off I dreamt of hospitals and being put under and finding issues and busy confused restless dreams. And when I woke up I decided that I want to go ahead and get this done. I don’t want to be forced to wait. I’m not guaranteeing that we will definitely do the IVF next month, I want to wait and see how we are doing emotionally before committing to that, but I don’t want to be ready and not be able to go ahead. I also do not want another month of restless dreams about this damn procedure, I want it done.
So I phoned the clinic this morning to see whether there was any chance of them fitting me in on Thursday? And whoo hooo they can. So Thursday lunchtime I head into hospital and get the Hysteroscopy done. Of course my Dad arrives on Wednesday night and now I’m going to have to tell him about this procedure, which I would rather have avoided getting into with him, but… what can I do. This process is really teaching me that I have no control, any control I think I have is just an illusion. I guess this could be the lesson I have to learn from infertility.
Oh and Thursday afternoon I am supposed to be delivering training to 12 people, but I guess I will be dumping work into it again, but that’s just the way the cookie crumbles.
I think that DefTTC thinks I’m slightly crazy, although maybe it’s not just slightly crazy. I am fairly certain he thinks it would be better waiting until next month and deal with one thing at a time, i.e. my Mom’s send off this month and then hysteroscopy next month and then IVF the month after that, but…