The Heartbreak of a Storybook

Yesterday afternoon we headed out to dinner with friends and decided to do a bit of shopping while we were in the shopping centre. Our favourite brand of shopping include books, CDs and DVDs. And there were sales on at two of the books stores and the music shop so…

Next month is our niece’s first birthday, yes somehow a whole year has passed since she was born and we are still not even pregnant! Anyway, we are firm believers in educating kiddies, early and ensuring they receive the right stimulation to be able to develop to their full potential. So I wondered over to the kids section of the book sale. Maybe a year is too young for story books, but I don’t think kids are ever to young for a bed time story.

Anyway, I found them. I found the set of books I have dreamt of collecting for our babies one day. They weren’t a particular set of books that I have been looking for, just the perfect set. Beautiful hard cover with stunning illustrations, big writing and not too many words on the page. Awesome books I can just see us sitting and reading as bed time stories. Books where you spend as much time pointing at the pictures and talking about the images on the page as you spend reading the words. Books where you write your child’s name in the front… you know the one’s where the front page says ‘This book belongs to _______’. They had Bambi and Dumbo and Snow White and The Rescuers and Pinocchio (one of my favourites, my brother could never say Pinocchio and he used to call him ‘Nockino’) and the Lion King. (Sorry I have to digress, has anyone noticed how the Lion King DVD is not on sale ANYWHERE in South Africa and we have tried everywhere). I picked up one of every book and just held them close. And carried on looking for books for our niece.

Eventually I called over DefTTC to have a look at what I had found. I got all choked up and the tears welled in my eyes as I realised that I was going to have to put those books back down. There was NO WAY ON EARTH I was buying those books for anyone else’s child! And I just couldn’t buy them for ours. It hit me like a tonne of bricks that I can’t bring those books into our home. What if we never have a child to read them to? What if the blank space where it says ‘This book belongs to _______’ stayed empty forever. Those storybooks would be there to haunt be and torment me and break my heart. And so we walked away empty handed, in the end I couldn’t face buying any kiddies books.

I told you of the beautiful email my step-mom sent me during our IVF cycle. The bit that really broke me was where she wrote: “I have all the children’s books a couple of crates full that are waiting to be read again. Each one has a memory for me, a memory of the little faces looking and absorbing and visualising the stories as they were being read to.”

One of the most treasured things I have of my Mom’s is her Children’s Picture Bible. It is ancient and the cover is falling off and some of the pages are torn and I think some of the pages are even coloured in, but it is beautiful. Not that I am religious, but it’s a beautiful book with stunning pictures that tell stories with a lesson.

I read someone’s blog a while back and for her baby shower instead of everyone giving her a card, every person who went to her baby shower, bought her baby a book and wrote of their love and hopes and dreams for the child. How stunning an idea is that! I absolutely LOVE it! Her child will be entering life with a beautiful collection of stories from all the people who loved him before he was even born!

I’m ready to read bed time stories NOW!

About MommyAtLast

Finally a Mommy to our Medical Miracle IVF Boy / Girl Twins who were born in November 2011. We overcame azoospermia using hormone therapy for my hubby to conceive our precious Hope Babes on our 4th IVF.
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8 Responses to The Heartbreak of a Storybook

  1. Cathy Nel says:

    I hear you on this one….. I hear you

    We have just got to keep believing that one day we WILL be reading bedtime stories!

    I went to the sea this weekend for a much needed healing for the soul…. needless to say our trip to the beach left me in tears seeing all the mommy’s daddy’s and kids. It tore my heart and soul to pieces! Hence we didn’t go back yesterday. Just to heart sore to watch DH watch the kiddies.

    I then decided there and then – I will triumph, I will fight and I will not rest until I have conquered my IF! I will never surrender!

  2. Erika says:

    It’s sad how silly little things like a shopping spree (which should be fun!) can make you feel so sad. A while back, I was just wandering around in the shops ( a favourite past time of mine), when suddenly I stumbled onto the cutest little fishy towels. Even before TTC, my husband and I decided that should we one day be pregnant with a boy, our room theme would be little fishes (not an under the sea scenario – just little fishes) – and those towels was exactly what I envisioned for the room – white towels with bright little fishes on them. I picked them up, walked around the shop with them and then had to put them down again. It’s been almost 10 months since, and I am still avoiding the towel department of that shop!

  3. Hi from ICLW. Thank-you for stopping by my blog. I never know what to do when I find something that would be perfect for my future child. Should I embrace hope and buy it and tuck it away? Or do I put it back, and wait for reality to catch up with my dreams?

    So sorry your IVF cycle didn’t work and you are faced with all these painful moments.

  4. ttcnot2easy says:

    I understand how you felt in the bookshop. Feeling totally torn between wanting desperately and not wanting at all. I want you to know that I am rooting in the sidelines for you and DefTTC. I want this for you two.

  5. cowgirltn says:

    Read away there is nothing wrong with you buying books now because you will be a parent. I was given several books a few months ago and every once an awhile I will sit in our would be nursery and read a book. It gives me hope that there will be a child sleeping there soon.

  6. SCY says:

    I know why you felt like you could not buy those books. I get it in a raw way. But you know what? Go back and see if they are still there and BUY them. You will get to read them to your kids one day. One thing I’ve realised is that life is WAY too darn short to keep ourselves from buying things in acts of faith for our future families.

    Thinking of you.


  7. pcostory says:

    Those “someday” plans are so hard. I have quilts started for my someday baby that are so hard to think about if there never is a baby… 😦

  8. Pingback: Building a Family Heirloom | Mommy-at-Last

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