Yup, I’ve been missing in action again. Lots of reasons, but they boil down to a few key items:
- My sister is staying with us and proving to be an excellent distraction from my normal levels of obsession
- We had a whole heap of family with us last weekend (and for a few days before) for the scattering of my Mom’s ashes
- Work has been extreme – crazy busy, stressful and a b@st@rd new boss
- My head hasn’t been very stable
So here’s an update.
First off the hysteroscopy went well. I have to say I felt ridiculous being wheeled into a full on surgery when I am healthy. It just seems all wrong subjecting yourself to a general anaesthetic for an investigative procedure. Dr S found a small septum in the uterus which he repaired, but he has said that he doubts it would have had any impact on the failure of the IVF. He said that really if we hadn’t already had a failed cycle he would have just left it. We went to see him on Friday and he took us through the photos pre and post the surgery and I have to say I really struggled to even see the septum. Anyway, everything else was looking good and he is happy that we are set to go again as soon as we are ready.
But… here’s where I admit that DefTTC was right and I really should listen to him… Doing the hysteroscopy in the midst of my mom’s ashes being scattered, and having half the family stay with us and having toooo much on the go at work, was probably not the smartest move ever. Yes Honey, you heard me right, you were right and I was wrong. But I am also very glad we did it. It is now over, behind us and we have a clear run to the next IVF now.
Having said that, the whole reason for going ahead was so that I wouldn’t have to endure any more delays. After many long conversations over the weekend DefTTC has convinced me to give the next cycle a skip and only go ahead with IVF#2 in October.
I am not ready and I don’t see myself being ready in just a couple of weeks (next cycle would probably start middle of next week). I feel as though the stars are starting to align and that if I just wait until things are more aligned we will have a much better chance at success. I have a massive event at work next week (training for around 1,000 people in two days) which I am solely responsible for. It is the highest stress event in the year and definitely not conducive to finding my way to that Zen place again. Add to that I feel like I need to put my Mom to rest (in my mind) before I can move onto starting new life.
And just the same way when I heard I should do the hysteroscopy and that that would cause a delay on our next IVF I felt relief, I am now feeling relief again. The pressure is off. I have time to handle work and then when that is done, deal with some of my feelings about my mom and then start getting ready to face another IVF. So stay tuned for more crazy pre-IVF thoughts…