Yes, I know how totally pathetic it is that I go completely to pieces without DefTTC around, but I do. I’ve told you before, he is my rock and helps to keep me mentally and emotionally stable, so yesterday was a wobble day. Funny enough although I spent the whole day on the verge of tears I didn’t cry until he got home and then it all came pouring out. And now today I feel back in control (well as in control as you can be when you are undergoing IVF) and calm.
When we first decided to stay in the UK my little sister was only five years old and so our first holiday back in South Africa we gave her a teddy bear, she named it N Bear and slept with it every night so she wouldn’t miss me. Apparently this was so successful for her that she got another teddy, Stofington Bear (don’t ask about the name, my family are great at coming up with the most bizarre nicknames) to represent DefTTC. And when my brother came over for a few months, she added to the teddy family and got a B Bear so she wouldn’t miss him too much. And so my step-mom has suggested I get a Stofington Bear of my own that can fill his place when he goes away. I like it!
And the SNAIFs (Sleepless Nights Attributed to Infertility) are back. Back to waking up in the middle of the night and lying awake for hours with my mind ticking over at a rate of knots. I’m not worrying, just have a very busy brain. Never mind Friday morning I have that yummy snooze under the influence of the yummy drugs.
A friend sent me an sms this morning saying “sjoe D embies in the world again this weekend” and suddenly it is real. Yes if all goes according to plan this weekend on my Dad’s 60th birthday we will get news that we have fertilised embies. I am getting so very excited. This time I can taste the BFP!
BTW I found those damn trousers! Go figure they were folded up very neatly on my underwear shelf? Don’t ask how I managed to take our underwear everyday for over a week before I found them?