Got the call from the nurse this morning to let us know that our embie has progressed from yesterday where there were two polar bodies in the cell (a sign of fertilisation) to now having two pronuclei (confirmation that fertilisation has definitely taken place). So it is forward momentum, but I bet most of you have never heard of the two pronulei stage… that’s because what we have here is an extremely slow developer.
And so tomorrow morning (Monday) we head to the clinic holding onto all the hope we can still muster at this stage that this little emb ie is dividing. If there is no division we go home with a cancelled cycle. If we have division we go home after transfer.
This weekend has by far been the hardest days of my life. I cannot believe how much I have cried. I cannot believe that I have taken this cycle harder than I took the failed cycle. And I think that is all driven by nerve wracking fear. Fear that this means my eggs are cr#p. It is a fear not just the failure of this cycle, but a fear of future failure. I think this weekend has been the first time since we started treatment that I have actually doubted that we may end this journey with a baby in our arms.
I am struggling so hard to find some hope…