So this morning on the way to the clinic (yes we were about five minutes away) the nurse called to say that unfortunately our embie (who we are calling Gulliver*) still hasn’t divided, but that Prof (Dr S is away – AGAIN) wants to give him another day and see if he starts dividing. So we are to go into the clinic tomorrow either for transfer or to chat to Prof.
This time I only cried a little. It was expected, well I wasn’t expecting to have to go back again tomorrow but I was expecting that little G is probably not going to make it.
It’s funny I would never have though that a cancelled cycle could hurt this much. I thought that when that BFN from our previous cycle finally hit me that that was hideous and that the only thing worse would be losing a baby. But… waking up on Friday to hear there were only two eggs, I started to mourn this cycle. And it has been three days of hell since then. For me getting a negative on a cycle which was otherwise fine was just the luck of the draw, if we kept trying it would work out eventually. But when something goes wrong, empty follicles, only one embie fertilising and then that embie not dividing you start to see the demons of all the things that could be wrong. All those things which could prevent this dream from ever coming true.
Yes, I do know that this cycle hasn’t been cancelled yet, but let’s face it have you ever heard of a cycle going ahead with an embie that was still one cell on day three??? So the realist in me tells me to start moving on.
* For all those who have read Gulliver’s Travels, we figure our little embie probably comes from the big ass follicle, the one which was streaks ahead of the others on CD6 already. And so like Gulliver this follie made all the other follies look like Lilliputians