Another Day…

So this morning on the way to the clinic (yes we were about five minutes away) the nurse called to say that unfortunately our embie (who we are calling Gulliver*) still hasn’t divided, but that Prof (Dr S is away – AGAIN) wants to give him another day and see if he starts dividing.  So we are to go into the clinic tomorrow either for transfer or to chat to Prof.

This time I only cried a little.  It was expected, well I wasn’t expecting to have to go back again tomorrow but I was expecting that little G is probably not going to make it.

It’s funny I would never have though that a cancelled cycle could hurt this much.  I thought that when that BFN from our previous cycle finally hit me that that was hideous and that the only thing worse would be losing a baby.  But… waking up on Friday to hear there were only two eggs, I started to mourn this cycle.  And it has been three days of hell since then.  For me getting a negative on a cycle which was otherwise fine was just the luck of the draw, if we kept trying it would work out eventually.  But when something goes wrong, empty follicles, only one embie fertilising and then that embie not dividing you start to see the demons of all the things that could be wrong.  All those things which could prevent this dream from ever coming true.

Yes, I do know that this cycle hasn’t been cancelled yet, but let’s face it have you ever heard of a cycle going ahead with an embie that was still one cell on day three???  So the realist in me tells me to start moving on.

* For all those who have read Gulliver’s Travels, we figure our little embie probably comes from the big ass follicle, the one which was streaks ahead of the others on CD6 already.  And so like Gulliver this follie made all the other follies look like Lilliputians

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About MommyAtLast

Finally a Mommy to our Medical Miracle IVF Boy / Girl Twins who were born in November 2011. We overcame azoospermia using hormone therapy for my hubby to conceive our precious Hope Babes on our 4th IVF.
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8 Responses to Another Day…

  1. Erin says:

    Big hugs and hopes that if this is not your cycle that you will have another perfectly played out cycle next– ending in a BFP, and, as you pointed out, it’s not over yet. I’m so sorry that this has been so difficult.

  2. kitty8218 says:

    i know exactly how you feel. although my first IVF i wasn’t in the exact same situation as you I was in a similar situation. the day i found out i only had 2 eggs I started to mourn. i knew enough to know that our chances had just dropped dramatically. it’s so difficult to describe all the feelings and emotions one goes through when getting that news…… all i can say is i feel your pain, i know your anxiety and i’ve been there too. it’s very heartbreaking and terrifying and completely and utterly disappointing. hang in there and i pray you will be blessed with the strength and courage needed to endure what lies ahead.
    xxx

  3. AmandaMqn says:

    I’m sorry the cycle is turning out like this. I’m keeping fingers and toes crossed for good news tomorrow and of course, sending you my love and giant ::hugs::

  4. tasivfer says:

    I don’t know what to say but didn’t want to say nothing. ((HUGS))

  5. Missy says:

    I’m so sorry this cycle had to end like this. Sending you many hugs.

  6. ChrisN says:

    So Sorry MiW. Not sure what else to say. Wishing you much love and strength to get through the next few weeks, I am sure it is heartbreaking.

  7. ttcnot2easy says:

    Holding thumbs that as I’m typing this, there has been tremendous progress!!
    Sending so much love your way
    xxxxx

  8. Mash says:

    xxx thinking of you both

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