Cancelled

Well as expected our cycle was cancelled.  The nurse called this morning to let us know that Gulliver had still not divided and Prof was calling the cycle off.  This time I didn’t even shed a single tear.  We knew it was coming.   

So we went into the clinic to meet with Prof.  While we were in the waiting room one of the nurses Sr Kind (she was the one who has been giving us feedback at every step along this cycle) came over to ask how we were doing.  She was awesome and I swear I think she even had a tear in her eye.  She told us to not give up hope, that we had come so far having now got the sperm that we just had to keep going.  She said that a cycle like this is like falling in a big pond, you sink to the bottom, but she said we have to allow ourselves to float back up to the surface and keep going.  She explained that in every cycle you have a ‘packet’ of eggs and this month’s were just poor.  She really was awesome.

Then we went in to see Prof.  He was really great, expressing how disappointed he also was at the way things had turned out.  He ran us through the whole cycle explaining everything.  Best of all he said that he really doesn’t think this was a sign of anything wrong, anything we should worry about – just one of those things.  At this point the tears started.   I have walked around for the last four days convinced that there is something wrong with me, that we now had a new challenge on this road.  I have had such a feeling that I wish I hadn’t started all this wanting a baby thing, that maybe it was getting too damn hard.  Hearing that he didn’t think there is anything wrong was like someone had removed the world from my shoulders where I had been carrying it for the last four days.  I cried with relief that this wasn’t all over for us.

We were totally expecting him to give us a long talking to about ‘lifestyle factors’, but surprisingly he said he had reviewed our file and we already followed all guidelines on lifestyle changes, no drinking, no drugs or medication, low caffeine, no smoking.  The only thing he suggested was that I should lose some weight as this may help to improve the quality of my eggs and gave me some guidelines on diet.  He said a loss of even 5% should make some difference.  He basically said we should give it a couple of months, lose some weight and have another go.  He suggested we go in to see him (yup unfortunately* we have now become a patient of the Prof rather than Dr S) towards the end of November so we can review my progress and plan the next cycle.  He said that most of all he wanted us to go away with some hope and positivity.

*I say unfortunately not because I have any problem whatsoever with Prof, but because I adore Dr S and will really miss his bedside manner.  I mean Prof is great, I mentioned that during our last cycle I really found him great, but he’s just not Dr S, however he is THE guy at our clinic and THE male factor infertility specialist in the world, so I know we will be in GREAT hands, getting the very best care and treatment

I mentioned to him that I had developed a pain in what I assumed was my right ovary, which was getting worse.  He took me in for a scan and said that yes, my ovary has filled with blood, but it’s not too bad and it is nothing to worry about.

He then handed us over to Sr Smiley, who spent some time talking with us about suggestions on losing weight and suggested that she be my weight-loss ‘buddy’.  I have to email her tomorrow my weight (as per my own home scale) and then pop her an email every week with my progress.  She said it would help to have someone ‘watching’ my progress, which I know is true from how well the weekly weigh-in at Weigh-Less worked for me last year.

Then it was off to the accounts department to get some of the costs refunded!  How awesome is that!  The clinic has a policy that when you don’t get  to transfer they refund you some of the costs!  I was very impressed with this and it gives us a start on the savings for next cycle.

Yes, we have managed to walk away from this with hope that next time will be different and we are planning on doing our next (3rd!!!) cycle in January.  Not sure I will ever go into a cycle so positive and hopeful again, you know there is just no going back after what we went through over the last few days.  But I am back to believing that this will happen for us, it’s just a matter of when.

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About MommyAtLast

Finally a Mommy to our Medical Miracle IVF Boy / Girl Twins who were born in November 2011. We overcame azoospermia using hormone therapy for my hubby to conceive our precious Hope Babes on our 4th IVF.
This entry was posted in Diet, fertility Treatment, Infertility, ivf, Male Factor Infertility, TTC and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to Cancelled

  1. Oh I am heartbroken for you!!! I have also had a cancelled cycle and they really do hurt!

  2. dee says:

    I also never got to ET on our first cycle. It was devastating so I know how you are feeling.

    Please spk to your fs about changing the protocol a bit, like I said the stim is so critical to the egg quality.

    Good luck with the weight loss!!

  3. Gwen says:

    I’m sorry to hear the cycle was cancelled. Even when you’re prepared for the worst, it’s not great (understatement!) when it actually happens.

    I’m glad to hear your plans for January though. Some R&R through the holiday season will hopefully help with the emotional strain of another cycle, if not with the weight loss.

  4. M says:

    sorry about the cycle – it is always hard.

    So pleased to hear there is still great hope – with the sperm going up and up perhaps AI can also be a next step…..

    Who would have thought!

    I hope you are blowing the new eating plan tonight and drinking wine, eating pizza and snacking on chocolate!

  5. tasivfer says:

    Your clinic is so supportive and wonderful it’s just great! I’m soooo sorry your cycle was cancelled, but how wonderful they could tell you it was just a statistical one of those things rather than something wrong. ((HUGS))

  6. Erika says:

    Really so sad that your cycle had to be cancelled! thinking of you guys, good luck!

  7. Sweets says:

    I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through. But it is so wonderful that you guys have received such great support from your clinic, and that you have left this cycle with a new POA. All the best with your weight loss plan – even the support you are getting from the clinic in this regard is wonderful!

    And money back to boot!

    Thinking of you.

  8. kitty8218 says:

    Ah man I’m so sorry. it really does suck hugely. the disappointment is heartbreaking and i’m sorry you’ve had to go through this.
    Just when we think we’re almost there we’re thrown with another curve ball….
    That being said it sounds as though your Doc is still positive (isn’t it just awesome how they do that – give us all that hope back!) and that you have a good POA 🙂
    Don’t give up. Take the time you need to heal and get into action of shedding some of those KG’s and feeling overall healthier. I’ve done that and it’s done wonders for my health, self-esteem etc. It’s a long hard road but you have many supporters cheering you on from the sidelines.
    Good luck……

  9. Kim says:

    I’m so sorry to hear your cycle has been cancelled. I had 8 follicles but ended up with no eggs so I know exactly what you are going through. Like you, my doctor said he didn’t think it was a ovarian reserve problem (my AMH level is 66!), I think they stuffed up my stim dosages.

    When it happened, I was so angry at my body, the doctor, anyone or anything I could blame for this happening. However as time went on the anger got less and I eventually accepted what had happened. The thing that helped got me through it was the fact that at least we now know exactly what doesn’t work for me, and next time we can do something totally different and hopefully it will work. Unfortunately this IVF thing really is trial and error.

    I have been thinking of you, and wish you all the best. Kim

  10. mash says:

    I’m so sorry that the cycle was cancelled, but I’m glad to hear that you are starting to sound upbeat again and have HOPE. I think you should change your name to AbsolutelyTTC just to make sure the universe gets the message loud and clear!

  11. Erin says:

    Hugs– I am so sorry that your cycle was canceled, but I am glad that your fs feels good about your next cycle and you have a clear plan for the time in between, with a little bit of R&R time to rejuvenate.

  12. KK says:

    Try to catch up on blogs…

    I am so sorry you were canceled on this cycle, but DefTTC’s sperm count news is amazing and incredibly exciting. I am so hopeful for you guys. Best of luck with the weight loss before the January cycle. I lost about 30 pounds between our last canceled cycle (in October of last year) and our BFP in January. I think that it helped me ovulate on my own. Hopefully it will help you produce more/better eggs.

  13. AmandaMqn says:

    I’m sorry the cycle was canceled but I am so happy to see the Prof is hopeful, I’m hopeful for you both as well!

    Good luck with the weight loss, I’m attempting that myself!

  14. ChrisN says:

    Hey MiW

    I am so sorry your cycle was cancelled. It must be devastating. Very happy to hear though that the doc has lots of hope. All the very best with the weight loss plan, I know it is not easy….Take lots of care, look after yoursevles

  15. ttcnot2easy says:

    Am just fucking gutted about this. So badly want this for you guys.
    Good luck with your POA going forward, my love.
    xxxxxxxx

  16. Cam says:

    Cancelled cycles are so so so hard – you stop right at the peak of hope…but we must keep believing that we will get there soon…sending big hugs xxxx

  17. Roccie says:

    I am sorry for the cancellation. They hurt a lot.

    January will be here in no time. Focus on a great costume, chow turkey, celebrate the holidays, then get pregnant.

    OK?

  18. Melissa G. says:

    I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to comment, I read this post on my phone but didn’t get a chance to swing by to tell you how sorry I am… That really, REALLY sucks.

    Good luck with the weighloss. i spent a good part of this year dropping weight, and i have to agree that the accountability makes a big difference with my progress. I’ll be cheering you on!

    Looks like we’ll be cycling around the same time next year. It’ll be nice to have a “buddy” for this too.

    Hugs.

  19. samcy says:

    Oh honey, I’ve been so stuck in my own world and am just catching up now… I am so sorry.

    Cancelled cycles SUCK ass! Hope that your heart has healed a bit since this news and that you and DefTTC are moving forward for the next AWESOME cycle.

    Thinking of you and will be praying for you both.

    xxx

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