Fairy God-Mother

On Saturday my BFF (Bird) will be holding a naming ceremony for her daughter – one of my god-daughters.  I’m not sure there are enough words to express the variety of feelings I am experiencing around this event. 

So much sadness that I cannot be there with Bird to share in such a special occasion.  Sadness that I have never even met this precious child who I am supposed to be responsible for if anything happens to her parents.  Sadness that due to distance I can never be what I feel a god-parent should be.  Sadness that I don’t have a child.

You see they are having a very beautiful earthy ceremony, not religious as such, but very in tune with nature.  And as part of this I have been asked to write a few words which will be read out on my behalf stating what I want to gift this child with and what I wish for her.  I really struggled with it because in order to actually really give any gifts to her I need to know her.  If I want to give her the gift of my love, how do I show that across and ocean.  I want to give her the gifts of encouragement and approval and praise and friendship, but all these seems so superficial across a distance.  The gifts I want to give her require me to be a real person in her life, not a disconnected voice across the world, they require me to have constant real interactions with her. 

In terms of what I wish for her, that is so much simpler, it is the things we wish for all children and most especially what we wish for our own children.  It is the wish that they may grow up happy, healthy and strong and all the things that go along with that.  The wish that she be surrounded by love all the days of her life.  But I can’t be there to help make these wishes come true. 

They say to name something is to give it power, but I’m not sure it is that simple.  Naming me god-mother won’t give me the power to be what she deserves from me.  What kind of god-mother can I be?  It seems only the mythical, appears with the wave of a wand kind – the Fairy God Mother.

And writing down the words I wish I could be there to read I had tears streaming down my face as I just kept thinking how I long to be wishing these things for my child.  It brought home so much of what kind of parent I want to be and how much I feel we have to offer to a child and how precious the gift of a child actually is.

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About MommyAtLast

Finally a Mommy to our Medical Miracle IVF Boy / Girl Twins who were born in November 2011. We overcame azoospermia using hormone therapy for my hubby to conceive our precious Hope Babes on our 4th IVF.
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5 Responses to Fairy God-Mother

  1. Kitty8218 says:

    I know exactly how you feel. My godson lives in USA Washington and I’ll never really know him. Skype helps me to see him here and there but I can’t be the godmother I want to be to him…. it really makes me sad too….. I feel like…what’s the point?!

  2. Melissa G. says:

    Oh man, I wish I could give you a big squishy hug right now… I can only imagine how hard this is for you.

    Hang in there.

  3. Megan says:

    Hello, visiting from ICLW. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I remember how hard it was even to send birthday and Christmas cards to my niece and nephews 900 miles away. It was so bittersweet, loving these kids and being a part of their life but not even being able to see them and hold them most of the time (about once a year at most). It made the infertility even worse I think. Hopefully within the next couple years you’ll end up being so busy with your own child that it won’t be so painful (and like Kitty said, Skype does help some!).

  4. Emily Erin says:

    Just to show the flip side of the coin, I live 25 minutes from my goddaughter but only see her every 6 months or so as my life and her parent’s lives never seem to coincide. I do try to send cards, but I guess I am just trying to give perspective. Even when I am close by all the things I want to be as a godmother don’t always add up to me being able to act on them. Hugs for you as you struggle with this.

  5. Deathstar says:

    Actually the words you used in this post are the words you should use. Start a fund for her, and let her know that when she really, really needs it, you will send her a plane ticket to where you are, waiting for her. Until then, you will send her letters to let her know all about you, small thoughtful gifts on her birthday every year, – for a little girl, to have a fairy godmother is a very wonderful thing!

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