For those of you avoiding posts about babies, don’t worry this isn’t about breastfeeding. The countdown is really on for the next IVF now. It is starting to get real. I can tell because my sleep is getting worse again as my brain kicks into overdrive and plays every possible scenario over and over. And as I know for that last IVF you actually can’t play EVERY scenario, there is always something that can come out of left field and throw you a curve ball, so now my brain has to work even harder and be even more creative. The great thing is that most of these scenarios are not negative. Must be a sign of how much better I am doing!
So in preparation, I spent last week drafting an email for my FS with my questions. I know I’ve told you this before (repeatedly) but my FS is the absolute best! I finally sent the email on Friday figuring he is back at work from his holiday today (Monday) and so my email would be near the top of his list to reply to. Well he replied yesterday, yes SUNDAY! How cool is this man! I am so glad that he and my other favourite man (Chris) are working together to get me knocked up!
Anyway, his response suggested that I start weaning myself off the anti-depressants now and stop them completely by the time I start stimming. Pity as I was hoping to keep them up through the stimm phase to help keep me on an even keel and only give them up at retrieval. Now these ADs are capsules, not tablets so weaning myself off is interesting, not like I can just start taking a half dose. So I guess I will be starting to only take them every second day for a week, then every third day for another week and give them up completely around CD1.
A friend asked me last week whether I was nervous about giving up the drugs for the IVF as I do feel they have made a difference to how I have recovered in the couple of months and how I am now coping. And I bravely responded that I was only a little nervous. When I first read that I would have to start weaning myself off them now, so much earlier than I anticipated, I have to admit, I got a little nervous. Did I mention my therapist is on leave too, until the end of the month when I am pretty much starting the IVF! So I had a moment of OMG, no drugs, not therapist… oh boy!
But actually I am not nervous. I really feel as though the time out after our last cycle has done me the world of good. I feel as though the drugs helped to get me through the really rough phase and together with my amazing support network helped me to learn to cope better again. I feel that in the last couple of months I have rediscovered my strength, rediscovered my coping mechanisms and I will be fine. But at the same time, I also realise that with or without the drugs things are about to get exciting around here again and there will be good days and bad days – especially once I start pumping the hormones into me. And it is fine if I don’t cope brilliantly. It is okay if there are days I am down, or scared or hope seems distant.