Getting Back on the Horse

We are wasting no time and jumping straight back into IVF#4!

Yes, yes I can heard the gasps of horror, that we have taken no time to lick our wounds properly, no time for my body to return to normal, no time for the reality of the BFN to sink in.  And yes all of this is true.

Within moments of hearing of the BFN we were already discussing whether we shouldn’t just go straight into the next cycle.  It just feels as though so much work went into getting ourselves (well me especially) into the right place to do IVF#3 in the first place that it seems a waste not to leverage that hard work while the going is good.  I am still feeling so strong, so capable of dealing with whatever a cycle throws at us. 

And then over all this is the fear that if I step off this rollercoaster, even for just a moment, I won’t get back on it.  The fear that if I give myself a chance to really process this BFN and the pain and the disappointment, that I will chicken out of ever putting myself through that again.  That maybe I will decide that I just don’t want kids that much. 

And I know I am not ready to give up on this journey yet.  On Friday we stopped in at my cousin’s 21st birthday party and her folks had put together a selection of video clips from her life and I found myself with tears in my eyes when her little brother was born.  I remembered how overwhelmed I was when my baby brother was born and how I was swept away all over again when my little sister came along.  I remember ‘playing mom’ with them, imagining they were my children and I was their mother and I knew all over again, that this is what I want and I am sick and tired of waiting for this.

So here we go again.  I will start the stimms tomorrow.

Have exchanged a few emails with the beloved Dr S, who has confirmed that there is no scientific reason not to get straight back into a cycle.  I also never had much in the way of the usual IVF side effects, little bloating, not overly emotional and so I feel that I can tackle the ride again. 

Dr S has agreed to mix things up a little, will be changing my stimms, dropping the Clomid and replacing it with GonalF, alongside the usual menopur.  He also has a few other crazy ideas but we will discuss these in more detail before making the decision.

If you are stopping by from ICLW, just to bring you up to speed, we have just had our IVF#3 fail, IVF#2 was cancelled after we only had two eggs, only one fertilised and then that lone emby failed to develop at all.  IVF#1 was a BFN.

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About MommyAtLast

Finally a Mommy to our Medical Miracle IVF Boy / Girl Twins who were born in November 2011. We overcame azoospermia using hormone therapy for my hubby to conceive our precious Hope Babes on our 4th IVF.
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14 Responses to Getting Back on the Horse

  1. Pamela says:

    Good luck to you. Proud of you for getting back on the horse. I had my 4th AI last week, also with Dr. S. Now I am just waiting. Maybe number 4 is the lucky number for both of us… Positive thoughts….xxxx (Excuse my english, I am actually Afrikaans)

  2. hanneke001 says:

    Good luck hun, yay for you getting back on the horse, i will continue praying for you miracle !!! xoxo

  3. Cstelle says:

    Good luck!!!!! you can do it girl!!! xxxx

  4. Rosachka says:

    Good luck!!! I totally understand where you are coming from, after my BFN for IVF#1 at the end of December 2010, I was ready to start again both emotionally and physically (and I wish I could, but my clinic waits 2 months before proceeding with the next one). Wishing you lots of mature eggs and strong embies 🙂

  5. darylfaure says:

    You go girl! I had a one month break between IVF 3 and 4, with IVF 4 being the lucky one. I really pray that you have the same great result I did. I also used a combo of Gonal F and Menopur for IVF 4 and got a whopping 17 eggs (the most I have ever had by a long shot, so I really hope that combo works as nicely for you as it did for me.
    Thinking of you so much and sending lots of positive vibes.

  6. You are very brave! I so understand that feeling of not wanting to get of the horse….I was there this time last year. Jeepers I really hope this one is the one. Good luck!

  7. Magic Mama says:

    I say hurrah. I totally know the feeling. One of my least favorite parts of this entire thing has been waiting to try again. Ride on, dear!

  8. Empty Whole says:

    ICLW

    Good luck on your cycle…Full speed ahead!

  9. Sharon says:

    Go for it! If you’re feeling strong enough to continue then why the hell not?! During a particularly crazy year sometime back I did stimmed IUI’s and 3 IVF’s in the space of 8 months for the exact same reasons you mentioned above.
    Cheering you all the way!

  10. teejay says:

    Sometimes I think it’s better to just jump right on in. I think it gives you more focus, more time to stay positive. Sometimes dwelling on the negative can really put a damper on your overall well being. So I say go for it! And best of luck to you.

  11. jenny says:

    Hey there, I’m here from ICLW. So sorry to hear your #3 cycle was a BFN, and good on you for jumping straight into #4. I’ve only started 2 cycles but back to back and if this IVF turned IUI is another BFN we’ll be jumping straight on to #3. Fingers crossed for this next cycle.

  12. adoptchange says:

    Best wishes from a ICLW first timer!

  13. Vicky says:

    I’m all for not having to stand down, if you are up for it- jump in with both feet! Best wishes for this cycle!

  14. Cam says:

    You do what you have to do hun, we’ll be cheering for you all the way xxx

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