The IF Closet

Obviously Chris and I are completely out the IF Closet.  I mean my brave amazing man appeared on TV and told the world that he had no swimmers, that his wife jabbed him in the bum four times a week and now he has swimmers.  Since then my awesome hubby has been featured in the Living and Loving magazine and they have now asked him if he is willing to be interviewed for a radio show.  So clearly the closet door isn’t just open, the whole damn closet has fallen apart.

I have heard so many stories by IFs of the insensitivity they have faced from people who they have told about their IF.  Stories of the stupid things that are said to them.  Stories of how hard it is to have to tell everyone after a failed cycle if you told them you were doing a cycle in the first place.

Now I am not sure if Chris and I have just got the most amazing friends and family in the whole world, or if by coming out so completely we have built some knowledge and understanding amongst our circle of what infertility is and have helped those around us to become more aware of this disease which afflicts so many.  I like to think it is a combination of all the above.

In the last 24 hours two examples of what I am talking about.  Chris parents friends all know what is going on – hell they saw us on TV and since then Chris’ folks ahve kept them in the loop with where we are at.  We went out for dinner last night with Chris’ folks and his Dad conveyed a message from one of their friends (a man I might add – not sure why this should make a difference, but somehow in my mind it does) onhow sorry he was to hear our news.  Apparently this friend had been asking Chris’ Dad on a regular basis how things were going with the cycle and whether there was any news yet.  Now I hear you saying, yes that is the problem, all these people asking how things are going all the time.  BUT, they have never once asked us, they have kept the polite distance, given us our privacy, but shown they care in a round about way.  Does this make sense?

Chris’ cousin’s little boy is about to turn one and we got the inevitable invite to his birthday party earlier this week.  I went back to her and said we would love to be there, but she needed to understand that we were in the midst of our fourth IVF and would get the results a few days before the party.  I explained that while we love her boy and definitely want to be there too many kids can be very overwhelming and hard for me to cope with and so we may not stay long at all.  I got this reply from her, “Oh wow Nita, I will more than understand, my heart goes out too you both!!  I will so be crossing all figures, arms, legs and everything else I can cross.  I will not ask what the results will be when you get it, I will wait for you say but I’m sure we will be celebrating more than just Thomas’ birthday that day!!”  She gets it!  She understands that we don’t want to be asked, but she will be thinking of us and even that bit of hope and positivity thrown in for good measure. 

This level of reaction goes right back to the beginning when we told my step-mom that we were working on having kids, but knew we had problems.  She was so awesome and gentle and responded with so much love, but not pushy.  She gently suggested we see a specialist, then she gently sent us a recommendation on a specialist to see.  She NEVER asks how the “baby thing” (as my Dad calls it) is going, she waits for updates and constantly lets us know that she is there for us, in our corner, ready to wipe away the tears if we need it.  In fact she was staying with us when we got our last BFN and when I walked into the house that evening, she just gave me a hug.  Didn’t ask anything, didn’t say anything, just a squeeze.

I really feel as though the whole world (well the whole of my world) is rooting for us.  Everyone is behind us and this makes this journey easier to cope with, easier to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.

Now if only our little baby could feel what an amazing family and community it will be born into, it would rush to us right away!

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About MommyAtLast

Finally a Mommy to our Medical Miracle IVF Boy / Girl Twins who were born in November 2011. We overcame azoospermia using hormone therapy for my hubby to conceive our precious Hope Babes on our 4th IVF.
This entry was posted in family, fertility Treatment, Friendship, Infertility, ivf, TTC and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to The IF Closet

  1. dscotti says:

    Sounds like you have a wonderful family! Even if they weren’t “educated” in what you were going through, it seems like they have a certain compassion. Good luck, I too will be crossing everything for you! 🙂
    Denise

  2. Sharon says:

    You are very fortunate not to have faced additional pressure or judgment out of ignorance from those closest to you.

  3. Marion says:

    That is absolutely amazing Juanita! I’m so happy that you do have support and that it is worth it for you guys to come out of the closet. I have also found it easier to be honest than to lie about it. It just shows not everybody is clueless and insensitive!

  4. teejay says:

    What a great circle of support you have. Maybe they should publish a book on how to support an infertile couple. I’d buy it for several people I know. 🙂

  5. Meg says:

    Doesn’t it make a huge difference to how you are feeling when you have so many understanding people around you? I’m glad you have such loving family and friends.

  6. Rebecca says:

    It’s so nice to be able to get that support. We are lucky enough to have supportive family and friends too- it makes a big difference.

  7. In my experience, when I have been specific in letting people know my current reality they have responded positively. After our last IVF I sent out an e-mail that stated exactly where we were and what I did not want to hear. I must say that people have responded very positively to it. They have been very sensitive and gentle. Here’s hoping you can celebrate soon with IVF #4!!!

  8. Cam says:

    I am also holding and crossing everything for you guys xxxxxxx

  9. Heather says:

    Also rooting for you.

  10. darylfaure says:

    What uplifting friends and family you have.

  11. tdemello says:

    Great post…I love it when people tell you they are thinking of you – its like having a team of angels on your side. My husband and I have been pretty open with everyone and that has been hard at times but mostly I have just felt an out pouring of love and support. Good on your husband for sharing his story on TV, the more we all talk about these things the more awareness and understanding it creates. I will be thinking of you…so you now have another angel on your team.

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