“It’s the only thing that when you actually see it it’s even better than you imagined” – yes another West Wing quote!
I cannot begin to describe what the last 24 hours have been like. Every fantasy about what it would be like has come true and yet it all still seems so surreal.
From our last cycle when the nurse phoned to give me my blood results and I said “don’t say a word until I have Chris with me, I will phone you back”, the clinic staff know not to give me my results unless I have my darling hubby with me. A life time ago I had a fantasy of Chris and I sitting together and watching a pee stick turn to two lines and when I knew that that was never going to be on the cards for us, I only wanted us to be together when we got the news. So yesterday at around 10.15 (yes I really did leave you all in suspense for that long!) my cell phone rang and the nurse said “Juanita is your husband with you” , I said “No, I’ll call you back” and promptly hung up on her, called Chris and said “Meet me now!” Walking to our agreed meeting spot, I had the scariest thoughts of my life. You see the nurse sounded so excited when she asked if my husband was with me, and I was terrified of believing that just maybe it was going to be good news this time and then being devastated when we got the opposite news. Every step to that coffee shop was fraught. Then we got to the coffee shop and it was full of people smoking, so I refused to stay there and we had a silly couple of minutes trying to find the right spot. Eventually we settled on a place with a table and chairs on one of the busiest streets of Cape Town and sat down and called the clinic back on speaker phone.
Sr. Smiley (who has been so awesome supporting me through every step of my weight-loss in preparation for the last few cycles and been my weight-loss buddy) answered the phone and once I identified myself, she said, “are you sitting down”… “yes”… “you are pregnant!” I asked her what the number was and she had to repeat herself three times before we could hear the fantastic news she was giving us – “Beta 238!”. Chris had this moment of panic in his eyes, because he thought she had said 438 and he was imagining six babies snuggling into my uterus. Somehow over the rush in my ears and the thumping of my heart and Chris’ and my own giggles, I could hear the excitement in her voice for us. She said congrats and some other stuff about meds, which I really didn’t hear.
All I could do was look in my husband’s eyes and see the total and utter shock and overwhelming joy! His eyes welled up and we both sat there with hundreds of passersby crying and laughing like crazy people. We took a couple of minutes to just soak up the most amazing feeling of my whole life, and try to believe that it really is true. We sat staring at each other and holding hands, just the way I always imagined we would when we finally got this news! The fantasy was actually turning into a reality.
Then started the most fun I have had in a really long time. I called my sister and said “Sister I want you to be the very first person to know that I am pregnant” she said “really?” in this timid little voice and then went quiet and I could hear her sobs of joy! Total bliss to tell her she was going to be an aunty! Then we phoned my Dad who couldn’t stop saying how he was going to be a Grand-pops over and over again. Actually I tricked him by sounding really down when I called and he said, “oh, no! You are going to give me bad news” then I said “Daddy, I am pregnant” (g-d I love those words, I could just keep saying them over and over and over again). Then we called my step-mom, who got so excited and shrill that I have to admit I really couldn’t make out a word she was saying, except when she told me that she has every book of my Brother, Sister and ‘Other Brother’ and they were all coming to us for our baby. My baby is going to be the smartest baby in the world, because it already has a whole library of books!!! Then my brother, who I think it took longer for it to settle in, but by the third phone call last night I think the reality had hit and he posted smiley faces all over facebook! Every one of those calls was perfect, precious and I will carry those beautiful memories forever!
A few very special friends were informed, but everyone else was left in suspense until we had told Chris’ folks in the evening, we so wanted to tell them in person and not over the phone.
We got to his parent’s place and after a bit of chitchat, his Mom took me in her arms and gave me the tightest squeeze and said, “so is there news”. I stayed very quiet wanting to give Chris the chance to tell her, but he just stood there and she kept asking, until I pulled away and she saw the MASSIVE smile plastered across my face. Her face was a picture, as I blinked I imagined my mind taking that picture for me to pull out and contemplate for years to come. His Dad just took in this big sobbing breath and said “they told us it would never happen” and then cried such heart wrenching tears of joy! Chris sister, screamed and cried and I could immediately see her planning everything in her head. She is sooo excited for us. In fact everyone is.
Yesterday I had nearly 1,000 hits on my blog! I mean wow, if ever I doubted that there were people who love and care for us, all doubts were washed away yesterday. We have been surrounded by so much excitement and pure joy and good wishes.
When we finally logged into Fertilicare to post our news, it looked as though there had been an uprising of people wanting to know our news! And within 5 minutes of posting the news the replies and congrats were flooding in.
I used to think I didn’t particularly want to share a pregnancy with anyone, that I would want to be pregnant all alone and have it as MY time. But now that I feel how amazing this experience is I wish I could get everyone knocked up with me, so everyone could feel this pure joy, that I could share this feeling with all you amazing men and women. It is JUST like the Grand Canyon, everyone should get to see it and feel this, because it is sooooo much better than your wildest imaginings can lead you to believe.