I promised myself I would NOT beg the doctor to remove these babies earlier than our c-sec date (which is booked for 38week3days). I promised myself I would endure any amount of discomfort to keep our babies in the safest place possible for as long as possible. And if these babies decided to make an earlier appearance well then so be it.
I could never understand women who got so impatient in the last few weeks, who wished their babies on the outside. I couldn’t understand wanting to rush the natural process and not just allowing your babies to come when they are ready.
That was because I could never have imagined being this uncomfortable. I could never have imagined that just sitting could be so painful. I could NEVER have anticipated just how much a twin pregnancy can take out of you. I could never have forseen that nights would become so endless and I would find myself sitting on the edge of the bed becuase it is more comfortable. Who would have known that all this could make me so exhausted that I am ready to throw in the towel.
Yesterday I finally admitted that I am ready for these babies to arrive. When I say ready I don;t mean their room is ready (it’s not), I don’t mean we have everything (but we probably do), I mean I have had enough.
Then in the dark hours of the night, when the pain seems to be at it’s worst and it felt as though they were actually trying to climb out, I felt all guilty for wishing my babies out. I just kept thinking that they would still be prem, and that out is not yet the best place for them and I cannot wish this over just yet.
Somehow I did resist the urge to beg the doc for an earllier date at our appointment today. But by the look on his face when he saw me, he doesn’t think this can really keep going for very much longer. He said that every week when he sees me he thinks, “she can’t get any bigger” and every week I somehow do get bigger!
It gets harder and harder every week to get accurate measurements on the babies and I think personally they are a bit of a waste of time, but seems our boy is roughly approaching 3kgs and our girl around 2.8kgs, but who knows, I think it’s juts a guessing game now. What the doc can say is that they STILL have PLENTY of fluid and are active and growing and doing very well. He did an internal today and my cervix is still closed TIGHT! He also did a swab for Strep B just in case my waters break he wants to know if he should get me on anti-biotics early. I like his proactive approach, my SIL only had this checked when she went into labour at 41 weeks?!?
Then we talked about what I want at the birth (c-sec). I said to him I had pretty much held back on my requests until now because it has felt like if they came before now they would be prem and I would have little choice but to go with the flow. We talked about how important skin on skin is to me and I stressed that while I know it won’t be easy for instant skin on skin after the c-sec with me, I want our babies to have it and want Chris to do it. I don’t want them whisked away from us. He was great and really understanding and in fact got out a photo book he has of a c-sec showing pictures of someone going throught he process, so we could see what everything actually looks like.
And suddenly discussing the birth it hit me that this time in three weeks (if not sooner) we will be getting ready to kiss our children for the first time! I am so overwhelmed by this it takes my breath away and in fact I found myself crying a little cry at the doctor’s rooms while paying.