Woe is Me

Okay, I have tried so hard for so long to keep the moaning and complaining to a minimum and really don’t want anyone to think I am in any way ungrateful for this place I find myself in, but I am not sure I can cope for very much longer with our twins on the inside.

Yesterday was the hardest day yet.  I had hoped to head out with a friend to a market (ambitious at nearly 36 weeks I know) but by the time I had got myself ready I knew there was just no way I could go anywhere.  Well disappointing but no hardship.  But by mid afternoon I was in such pain and discomfort from the pressure of my big babies that I just sat in a chair and cried.  I tried a nap and couldn’t breath as soon as I lay down (babies pressing on my diaphram).  I eventually cried myself to sleep in the chair.

Then last night I think I got a total of 2 1/2 hours sleep (again eventually in my chair).  Our little boy seemed to have decided it was time to come out, only he was trying to crawl out my rib cage (well that’s what it felt like anyway).  I am in such constant discomfort and struggle to move at all.   My legs, knees, ankles and feet are so swollen that just sitting hurts.  My hands are so swollen that my joints ache if I flex and stretch my fingers and my wrist joints are so sore that leaning on them to push myself up to get out of bed say, is agony.

It’s all getting too hard and I feel like a terrible mother becuase if I am honest I just want them out.  I know the very best place for them is on the inside and I know that the longer they stay there the healthier they will be, but I am now ready to hold my babies in my arms and I find myself wishing my waters would break so this can be over.  I never in a million years believed I would wish my pregnancy over.  I waited so long and went through so much to get here, how can I want it over.  And I will miss being pregnant, the little kicks and squirms.  But I have said it, I am ready for the babies to come.

My hubby is a star.  He sat and massaged my swollen feet last night before bed to help alleviate the pain of the swelling, which was heavenly and I really thought would help me sleep better.  Then in the middle of the night when I eventually decided I needed to move to the lounge to sleep in my chair he got up with me, brought me a duvet and tucked me into my chair.  I know I simply don’t say it often enough or express it well enough, but I love that man with all my everything.

I have had this theory, which so far has proven accurate, that if I am not ready for the twins they will not arrive.  So I have procrastinated with some of the last jobs that needed doing and the last of the sorting to keep them in.  And it has worked.  Well yesterday I decided enough… so the last of the jobs got done.  Chris put the car seat bases in our cars so we are ready to bring them home.  I sorted the last of their little (prem to 3 months) clothes.  I made up the cots with fresh clean linen.  And last night we sat and put together the sms notification list so we are ready to let people know when they arrive.

So now if my theory holds true if everything is done they will come now.

36 weeks tomorrow!  I never thought I would make it this far.  I never believed that my short body could accommodate two big babies for this long.  I have been so busy bracing myself for tiny prem babies that it never occurred to me we would find ourselves in a place where I would be doing the impatient wait for their arrival.

And don’t get me wrong as much as I know I am now complaining and as much pain as I am in and as much as I am wishing this was over, I am so grateful to find ourselves in this place I so longer for.  Pregnant with twins (my dream come true), 36 weeks with big healthy twins and married to the perfect man.

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About MommyAtLast

Finally a Mommy to our Medical Miracle IVF Boy / Girl Twins who were born in November 2011. We overcame azoospermia using hormone therapy for my hubby to conceive our precious Hope Babes on our 4th IVF.
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9 Responses to Woe is Me

  1. Gwen says:

    You’re a mother, not a martyr. Never forget that you’re still entitled to feel pain, exhaustion and frustration, even if you choose to accept them for your children’s benefit. And give yourself a huge pat on the back (you too, Chris), your babies are doing great.

  2. Kitty8218 says:

    I say go to the doc and tell him/her you want them out! There’s no harm in it and you’ve come VERY FAR and if the doc feels they’ll be fine then why shouldn’t they come now? They are bigger than alot of singletons and full term already!!!!
    There’s no point in putting your body through so much pain if they will do just as fine on the outside. I think 36 weeks is an AMAZING achievement and pushing it much further might not be the best thing for you or the babies. So let them come already 😉 No need to feel guilty – hat off to anyone who can endure what you are with nothing but a smile! hmph yeah right – impossible – it’s a huge task and I know women who’ve only had one in that want nothing more than for baby to come at the end – so with you having 2 in there – I say let them come 🙂
    Good luck with your last few days xxx

  3. Heather says:

    Sending hugs and support. Hang in there, you can do it. Hope you get some rest.

  4. Hope they come soon. Very excited for you and C.
    All the v. v. best, S

  5. Dee says:

    I feel your pain. I could do nothing the last few weeks except sit and pee. Lying down was impossible, eating, showering, bending. Everything ached so much. You are entitled to pain. Just because you battled to fall pregnant doesnt mean you are not allowed to feel pain!! Your babies are big and ready to come they are healthy you can let go now and relax. You did it!! They will be here soon I am very sure.

  6. Emily Erin says:

    Wishing you better sleep, more comfort and a birth date soon!

  7. Sam says:

    Nita my friend, you have done brilliantly!

    And like Gwen said you are a mother not a martyr – you are ALLOWED to complain cos lets face it pregnancy can be tough enough carrying ONE baby let alone TWO healthy babies. Be careful of the swelling etc, I ignored mine that last week and as you know I ended up going into labour at 37 weeks 5 days and having an emergency Csection the same day cos my BP went thru the roof VERY quickly…

    I say, contact your obgyn and ask for a c section in the next few days – YOU and Chris are ready, from the sounds of things the babies are ready… and as much as you ARE going to miss being pregnant, it is such sweet joy to meet and hold your miracles in your arms as well…

    All the best for your last few days!

    xxx

  8. darylfaure says:

    Hun – you are so allowed to moan and feel dreadful and wish for them to come, so don’t apologise. You are a person, not super mom. I would be a snivelling wreck by now if I were in your shoes( I know because that is how I felt with a singleton).
    Big hugs.

  9. Do not feel guilty…. your feelings are completely normal. You have done an amazing job! In the last few weeks of my twin pregnancy I was utterly miserable. It is not easy to carry 2 babies! Hang in there, it’s almost over and it will be so worth it, when you are holding 2 perfectly healthy babies.

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