Okay, I have tried so hard for so long to keep the moaning and complaining to a minimum and really don’t want anyone to think I am in any way ungrateful for this place I find myself in, but I am not sure I can cope for very much longer with our twins on the inside.
Yesterday was the hardest day yet. I had hoped to head out with a friend to a market (ambitious at nearly 36 weeks I know) but by the time I had got myself ready I knew there was just no way I could go anywhere. Well disappointing but no hardship. But by mid afternoon I was in such pain and discomfort from the pressure of my big babies that I just sat in a chair and cried. I tried a nap and couldn’t breath as soon as I lay down (babies pressing on my diaphram). I eventually cried myself to sleep in the chair.
Then last night I think I got a total of 2 1/2 hours sleep (again eventually in my chair). Our little boy seemed to have decided it was time to come out, only he was trying to crawl out my rib cage (well that’s what it felt like anyway). I am in such constant discomfort and struggle to move at all. My legs, knees, ankles and feet are so swollen that just sitting hurts. My hands are so swollen that my joints ache if I flex and stretch my fingers and my wrist joints are so sore that leaning on them to push myself up to get out of bed say, is agony.
It’s all getting too hard and I feel like a terrible mother becuase if I am honest I just want them out. I know the very best place for them is on the inside and I know that the longer they stay there the healthier they will be, but I am now ready to hold my babies in my arms and I find myself wishing my waters would break so this can be over. I never in a million years believed I would wish my pregnancy over. I waited so long and went through so much to get here, how can I want it over. And I will miss being pregnant, the little kicks and squirms. But I have said it, I am ready for the babies to come.
My hubby is a star. He sat and massaged my swollen feet last night before bed to help alleviate the pain of the swelling, which was heavenly and I really thought would help me sleep better. Then in the middle of the night when I eventually decided I needed to move to the lounge to sleep in my chair he got up with me, brought me a duvet and tucked me into my chair. I know I simply don’t say it often enough or express it well enough, but I love that man with all my everything.
I have had this theory, which so far has proven accurate, that if I am not ready for the twins they will not arrive. So I have procrastinated with some of the last jobs that needed doing and the last of the sorting to keep them in. And it has worked. Well yesterday I decided enough… so the last of the jobs got done. Chris put the car seat bases in our cars so we are ready to bring them home. I sorted the last of their little (prem to 3 months) clothes. I made up the cots with fresh clean linen. And last night we sat and put together the sms notification list so we are ready to let people know when they arrive.
So now if my theory holds true if everything is done they will come now.
36 weeks tomorrow! I never thought I would make it this far. I never believed that my short body could accommodate two big babies for this long. I have been so busy bracing myself for tiny prem babies that it never occurred to me we would find ourselves in a place where I would be doing the impatient wait for their arrival.
And don’t get me wrong as much as I know I am now complaining and as much pain as I am in and as much as I am wishing this was over, I am so grateful to find ourselves in this place I so longer for. Pregnant with twins (my dream come true), 36 weeks with big healthy twins and married to the perfect man.