Dear Pudding and Sausage,
This is the story of where you were at a year ago.
How can there not be a real word for this momentous event? On Sunday it was one year ago that I had egg retrieval and Chris did his donation and a very clever embryologist mixed the two together and created our special children. Yesterday a year ago I got a call to say that we had 100% fertilisation and had four little embryos. Today a year ago I got news that two of those embryos were developing beautifully and were at 4 cells, the other two weren’t doing that well. Tomorrow a year ago we put back three embryos. Two perfect ones and one that was a little fragmented. One year ago tomorrow I was wondering around in the morning looking for something to buy to remind me to hold onto hope for my embryos. I wanted something that would make the hope real. I never did find anything, but that afternoon you were put back inside me.
Tomorrow a year ago you came home to Mommy and you stayed, you hung around to become our precious Hope Babies. And how my life has changed one year on. You entered our lives as tiny perfect embryos and now you live here in the real world with us, smiling at us, laughing at your Daddy and brining joy into every single second.
Your smiles, your wrinkled little noses with laughter, your serious frowns when you are concentrating, your little hands that are grasping everything, the way you suck on your fists or stick your fingers so far back in your mouth, the way you look at me as though I am the centre of your universe and the way you light up when you hear your Daddy, the way you kick your little legs, or stiffen them to stand up, the way you tense those tummy muscles when lying down trying to sit, your coos and gurgles and the odd noises you make when breathing in, the way you grasp my finger while I am feeding you, your smell. Oh I could seriously wax lyrical about your smell, that smell is the smell of happiness of fulfilment. Every one of these things expands my heart and fills me with love. I never knew that there could be a feeling quite like this and you guys gave this to me.
Thank you! Thank you for coming into our lives, for staying with us, for making our lives so worthwhile and for being so perfect.
All my love