HopelesslyTTC also known as DefTTC (DefinitelyTTC) or Chris and I have been married over 16 years now. Yes we got married pretty young, but we were friends for so long before we started dating that I knew that if we kissed I would have to marry him or risk losing the very best friend I’ve ever had.
I knew Chris couldn’t have kids from before that fateful first kiss and I went in with eyes wide open, knowing that I was probably closing the door on any biological kids, but that was fine. So for eleven years Chris and I created an awesome life. I built a career, we travelled and have fallen more and more in love with each passing year.
Then in January 2009 my world fell apart. I don’t know how to describe what happened other than that the biological urge to procreate overtook me. You see SIL announced she was pregnant and suddenly I mourned that Chris and I had never even tried to see if we too could create a family. So the tests started and the injections and the baby dancing and the heartache!
Chris has secondary hypogonadism, a malfunction of his pituitary which means it doesn’t produce the hormones required for sperm and testosterone production. First it was testosterone injections and my beautiful man-boy (lack of testosterone has kept him unfairly young looking, and he’s rather young at heart too) started to turn into a hairy man-beast. But the sperm analysis showed azoospermia, so off to the fertility specialist…
He was on Pregnyl injections for three months, with us hoping to see if they would help with testosterone production. If he had started producing his own testosterone it was supposed to be a sign that we might be able to kick-start his testes into action and producing their own sperm. This little plan didn’t work.
From there he graduated to menopur injections three times a week and Ovidrel once a week. We were told to give this six to nine months before giving up hope. If after that there was still no sperm production we would probably have had to look at a donor. Our first three month SA still showed no sperm. Our six month SA (May 2010) showed some motile sperm!!!
Following another six week wait to retest to see how quickly the sperm numbers were growing there wasn’t a significant enough increase to do anything but proceed with IVF with ICSI!
Our first cycle was in July 2010. Retrieved 5 eggs, one was damaged in the cleaning. Of the four remaining, three fertilised. We transfered all three embies, even though one was fragmented. Unfortunately the cycle failed.
On our second cycle in September 2010 we only retrieved 2 eggs, only one of those fertilised and then that one embie didn’t divide at all. So our cycle was cancelled. That cycle felt like I was diagnosed with infertility of my own. I so completely convinced myself for a while there that my eggs were running out or were just useless. I started seeing a therapist and got my head and body in shape to face another cycle.
Chris’ sperm count continued to climb reaching over 1million by the end of 2010
January 2011 we embarked on IVF#3 which showed Chris’ sperm count at 2 million (so still climbing). I had four eggs, but only 2 were mature, but we had 100% fertilisation using IMSI and ICSI. We transferred two beautiful embies, but unfortunatley still only a BFN.
Having done so much hard work for IVF#3, loosing weight, getting my head right and being emotionally stronger, we decided to go straight into IVF#4 to leverage that hard work and also so we wouldn’t have to face the bad news.
Four eggs again, but this time all four mature, 10million sperm (yes you read that right this amazing protocol took my hubby from complete azoospermia to 10 million swimmers with great motility and morphology!), a beautiful healthy, thick lining, 100% fertilisation using IMSI & ICSI again and we transferred 3 beautiful embryos. 1×7 cell (grade 5), 2×6 cell (grade 4). This time the impossible happened… BFP!!! We had awesomely healthy betas to help keep the fear at bay and our first scan on 8 April 2011 at 7 weeks showed two perfect heartbeats!
Our fetal assessment scan at 13 weeks showed one boy and one girl. Pudding (our beautiful blonde haired blue eyed girl who looks just like Daddy, but has all her mother’s attitude) and Sausage (our brown haired, brown eyed boy who looks just like Mommy, but has all his Dad’s character) were born via c-section on 7 November 2011 and parenthood is treating us so well. Being a Mommy-At-Last is my dream come true, but heavens it is a whole new journey learning how to parent two little people.
My writing has morphed from infertility focused to parenthood and the on-going challenge of just trying to be the best me I can. I don’t write as often as I need to for my soul, but I’m working on it.